It is now, according to eastern standard time, officially my fortieth birthday. Happy birthday to me

early birthday (it's 1/23, turning 40) present to me: there is a Taylor Swift party in my city next month and i bought myself a ticket

YAY have made plans with little brother for lunch and a movie Thursday. i love him to bits and we have never just hung out together before (transportation etc) so i'm so excited

so anyway if you know someone who is facing the first major holiday since a loved one's death please do not fucking tell them to make the best of it/see the positive/try to be happy/etc. i know they all meant well and want me to be okay, but i'm fucking allowed to be fucking sad that Dad won't be here this Christmas or ever fucking again

so plurk is currently the only place i feel like i can safely blurt out that i am job hunting again

so i violently dislike christmas music so intensely that, like every year around this time, that's what i braced myself for. i didn't think much beyond that, so it was just today that it computed that actually, christmas music is a fuckin trigger this year

my cousin's memorial is today, 12/4 (4/12). we weren't close, Steve, but i wish to fuck you were still here, for the sake of your parents and your sister. i don't believe in a better place after death, or anything at all after death, but i want to be wrong.

This is very funny to me because I have listened most to Taylor through my purchases on Apple, and that does in fact include the playlist of those albums that I’ve had set as an alarm every weekday for months. And even without those hundreds of hours, I’m still in the top 2%

which show are you going to?

cool, so this is gonna be a rough week for two reasons, which is more than the correct number which is zero