so thanksgiving went as well as it was gonna, and we all agreed we can't do Christmas-y Christmas this year, so we're gonna do a perfunctory Secret Santa, order Chinese, and watch movies or something

and now that we're on the other side of thanksgiving and all on the same page, Christmas Without Dad is becoming more and more real and if i think about it too closely it feels like my lungs are going to collapse

so of course i thought a bunch about that

but the reason this week specifically is gonna suck is because my cousin's memorial service is this sunday

and i can't stop thinking about how much i want for it to not be a thing that even has to happen

he was a couple years younger than me. his death was stupid and preventable. his parents and his older sister, Jess (one of my best friends growing up) have to live every single day they have left without him

a parent dying before his children, well, it hurts like hell, but that's how the world is supposed to work

parents should never ever outlive their children

i'm grieving Stephen, but i'm grieving his family's loss even more

and for their sake i wish he was still here

and i wish there was no memorial to go to

(oh yeah and the especially mean kick in the dick for my family is that it's the day after my sister's birthday. if i read this shit in a story i'd be like, "are you kidding me, stop trying so hard to pile on the angst, damn")

aw hun =/

cacopheny: it’s all shit all the way down

/sends lots of hugs. will it help if we buy your tickets this week? <3 I meant to poke you about it yesterday but I wound up doing nothing at all yesterday instead

That would be good

just let me know what day you're free for the span of an hour or so and I'll log into a travel site and we'll get 'em together

Will do. Tomorrow should work, like somewhere around 3-4 your time. After that there will be wine, as there has been wine tonight, why spend the week sober if I don’t have to

sounds great :3 pop me with a PP when you're ready

will do!

that's so fricking much. I'm sorry, friend, it sucks. <3

AdivaCalandia: thank you. Love you <3

love you too