my cousin's memorial is today, 12/4 (4/12). we weren't close, Steve, but i wish to fuck you were still here, for the sake of your parents and your sister. i don't believe in a better place after death, or anything at all after death, but i want to be wrong.
i want you to be hanging out with Grandpa and Grandma, and with my Dad. I want you to find your right place to check up on your family until you're ready to let go, to wait for them. to meet them and all go on together
i want you to still be here, Steve, i want you not to have fucked up that day, i want you to not have left your family looking for what they could have done better
i don't want to go to your fucking funeral, memorial, whatever, Stephen, get the fuck back here
at the very least, you know i love Jess. i will do what i can to help her through, or help her with. whatever she needs that i can give
we weren't close, but we did grow up together, and you're my cousin, and i fucking love you too
this is all a sort of offloading; i am determined to be supportive and not need attention myself, so i needed a place to dump some of this
i will be supportive, and loving, and reaching out to listen, and it will be all about Steve and his family. i will not crack and let my grief over Dad threaten to center me
If you need to talk at any time you can text me
You know I know where you're coming from
