I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.

Most nudists are people you don't want to see naked.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

pɹıǝʍ sןǝǝɟ ƃuıɥʇǝɯos

To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer!

How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

I'm learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.