Necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.

Whether I'm briefed or debriefed, my underwear is my own.Wait I hardly ever wear them

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar

Computer problems? Have you checked the loose nut in front of the keyboard?

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

Red meat is not bad for you Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

I have gone to look for myself, if I return before I get back, keep me here.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?