I mean no offense by this, but do you think Jesus is cool with the Capitalist way we handle his birthday?

Smells like...sniff....sniff.... IcyHot...sniffsniff

I may be going to Hell, but at least the gas prices are cheaper down there.

I burp grotesquely muted and you don't even know.

Xbox, stop recording...

Having one too many eggrolls is very real everyone, don't be a hero.

this housing market is insane, my nephew just got evicted from his brand new womb.

Don't forget to wash your fruits and veggies with soap and water everyone.

I fell off a garage when I was 4