masalah klasik ketika mengurus: dompet jadi sering jatuh. pas duduk di kursi resto, atau jatuh di dalam mobil, misalnya.

that being said, I lost like ~ 10 cm of waistline last few months, so. probably good problem to have.

"[kamu] apa kabar? lama tak terlihat nampaknya."

"masih hidup. di luarnya, setidaknya." 🙈

entah baik atau buruknya, aku tak pernah lagi menjawab pertanyaan 'apa kabar' dengan jawaban yang umum. habis, kalau cuma bilang 'baik' atau 'fine thank you', kan ga selalu jujur. kalau ga jujur, kan ga bagus juga buat mereka.

but the neat(?) thing about being (relatively) (fiercely) independent about your life is then you ask yourself:

"so, what are you going to do about it?"

things are not always easy, yeah. inconvenient things happen, yeah. things may feel unfair, yeah. okay. so, what are you going to do about it?

looks like my body is nearing its limit. WFA today, clocking out and crashing into bed and it was like I almost couldn't get up. 6 × 10+ hours last week, and today is just that again.

belum sholat maghrib.

er. hari ini maghrib masih agak lama kan ya. baiklah sholat dulu. habis itu terserah. I have lived long enough anyway.

setelah ribuan langkah hari ini, ketemu manusia dan menyendiri, pulang-pulang entah kenapa nyangkut 'mau latihan ringan' tapi jadinya malah sejam, mandi cuci muka gosok gigi beres-beres...

ternyata sudah jam 12 kurang. waktu berlalu dan ketika sadar hal-hal sudah tak bisa kembali. why does this sound so familiar?

melihat kembali foto-foto dari tahun lalu pada masa kekacrutan menjelang akhir tahun lalu. kemudian (kembali) kesal sendiri: kemarin itu gue menggelembung banget ya.

I can say I'm in much better place right now, but looking at it was very much frustrating. felt like elementary school all over again and I hate it.

Official髭男dism - Pretender［Official Video］
kadang 'suki na hito ga iru koto' berlanjut ke 'chiisana koi no uta' dan 'kiseki'.

tapi kadang juga kita cuma 'Pretender' sepanjang waktu. kadang untuk waktu yang lama. kadang untuk waktu yang terlalu lama.

. . . ya sudah, ga apa-apa. harusnya sih. hup. hup. hup. #nowplaying

running on fumes. not even a day off today, no. but life is just what happens, et cetera, et cetera.

. . . to the point I don't really even care what, if any, is for lunch today. do I need sleep more, or do I need lunch more?

I don't know. I don't care.

kerja pada (literally) akhir hari, lelah dan setengah hati, dan ketika mencoba merebahkan diri...

kemudian teringatkan, seperti biasa: resolusi dan keinginan-keinginan yang kandas pada akhir Januari.

come to think of it... 2017-2020 was the period of severe heartbreak I really thought I'm better off alone and focus on things like work and learning. I even disconnected social media in the meantime.

then I went back. it was April, if I remember correctly. things changed during that year.