I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck than any boy you'll ever meet.

Can you elbow yourdelf in the hip bone

I was promised eighty degree weather but here I am planting my corn in the rain.

Lent my coworker American History X and Lord of War and he lent me#...Office Space and The Blind Side.......

Ugh I was trying to siphen dirty solvent out of a barrel and swollowed it

My girlfriend got back fro ma week long cruise on Saturday and texted me with "babe i have something to tell you and your going to be mad"

All I want to do is watch Breaking Bad.

I was on the roof and my dog climbed up a twenty foot ladder to get up with me.

Paramore: Now [OFFICIAL VIDEO] I hate her but she's abnormally not hideous in this video.

My boss said to fuck my most hated coworker in the ass.