If there's only one thing that I love, it's loving more than one thing!
Staying home from work today. Queasy stomach is threatening to make a scene in public.
I wish I knew someone who worked in outdoor advertising so I could nickname him Bilboard Baggins.
I threw it on the ground - what, you think I'm stupid?
Me: *tops off cat food bowl*
Cat: *watches whilst eating a pile of cat puke from 3am*
Annnnd, scene.
Hey 6am your face called AND IT'S STUPID!
My goal of eating nothing but chorizo this week has been cancelled on account of my asshole being on fire.
Shaved with my new safety razor today. Absolutely amazing! Never going back to a cartridge razor (except for my balls).
My bed-and-breakfast brothel will be called "Business and Gravy."