Pixar created a better love story in 8 minutes in the movie Up, than Twilight did in 4 books

Sex is like high school... you miss a period & you're in trouble

The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It's about two women trying to kill each other over shoes

That awkward moment when you're reading someone's shirt and it looks like you're staring at their boobs

My microwave is awesome at heating up my plate and leaving my food frozen

Generalizing works for most people

My parents told me I couldn't be a pirate when I grew up. My movie and music collection says otherwise

When you don’t get what you want, you suffer. If you get it, you suffer too since you can’t hold on to it forever

Karma is actually really nice you just have to get to know her

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other