Angelina & Brad called their biological daughter Shiloh. I think we should all pray that little Shiloh Pitt is not dyslexic

Friendship is like peeing yourself; everyone can see it but only you get that warm feeling

Ladies, the reason you can't find a kind, sensitive and handsome single man is that they already have boyfriends

Windows spell-check is always write...

She plays hard to get, I play hard to get rid of

Oh damn, we've had the baby monitor backwards all this time! No wonder my farts kept waking them up from across the house

I love the grocery store. It's the one place where someone always ends up checking me out

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute

Every time i look at the keyboard, i see that U and I are always together

I feel like the last 15 minutes of a football game is counted down in dog years