The campers were restless. It wouldn't be long before they figured out this wasn't a ventriloquist's dummy. In the distance a coyote howled.

My future's so bright I've gotta wear night vision goggles.

We're celebrating Robbie Burns night. I didn't have a kilt to wear, so I decided to just go commando.

Still waiting for the pill that changes procrastination into exercise.

When this bean dip starts repeating on me, I hope everyone at this party will believe that my dog is a fartriloquist.

Saddest story ever. Go hug your dog! ping.fm/yK1el

Did you hear about the classical quartet who couldn't make any money? They went baroque.

If he got a haircut and stopped looking so scraggly, I bet Jesus could get Employee of the Month every time.

If we called Global Warming "Godzilla Warming" people would have already done something about it. Well, the Japanese would have, for sure.

My hair is thinning. Unfortunately, it's thinning in the same way Moses "thinned" the Red Sea.