I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night, & my pillow is no where to be found.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I’m pretty sure that’s how dogs spend their lives.

Friend: knocks on your door. Best friend: walks into your house & starts eating.

That moment when your like 'I wonder why they haven't texted me back yet' and then you realize you didn't press send to send the text.

Dead people can still have orgasms.

I awlyas thouhgt slpeling was impoatrnt but the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?!

Fact: More people would rather go to Hogwarts than Harvard.

You can tell whether or not your relationship is going to last by simply watching her eat a Popsicle

Text me if you want = I want you to text me. TGIF

Yeah, thats great. Can you go away now?