reports: ISIS takes credit for relatives overstaying welcome at Thanksgiving, eating all the leftovers, and leaving a huge mess in the kitchen

reports: ISIS takes credit for increased cost of Thanksgiving dinner, forcing many Americans to forego name brand stuffing for bland generic version

reports: Russ Coleman, credited with inventing the "How Is My Driving?" bumper sticker, dead at 83 after his car was rear-ended by a box truck

reports: Starbucks introduces new Heathen Holiday Blend, available in Rancid or Sludge flavors mixed with coffee grounds and served in a black cup

reports: Inspired by their Missouri brethren, Michigan football team boycotts game over ugly cheerleaders and demands "better effort" by university

reports: Sea World to phase out anything sea-related, will reopen as World and feature a stack of 3-ring binders with pictures of fish to look at

reports: American Eagle to stop carrying "Pedophiles Aren't Made, They're Born" t-shirts, forcing society's outcasts back to shopping at K-Mart

reports: Critics pan McDonald's new "Sharmel Shake" as too soon, say company should "give it another month or so" before capitalizing on crash

reports: Next GOP debate to feature none of the candidates; instead, six moderators will fire barbs at them and then provide their own responses

reports: Both Hewlett-Packard companies announce they're each splitting into 5 new companies to create a voicemail tree so complex that none of them will actually need any customer service reps to answer phones