People who like their pears firm and fibrous have a mind for the long term. People who like their pears mushy and wet and sloppy prefer to live in the moment.

Desperately attempting to suppress the intrusive thoughts telling me to touch everything in my office at work and then lick my fingers

soju is an anagram of ujos

accustomed to the taste of my own vomit i stay winning

Little gnomes in my hard drive remembering my awful trans girl memes as hard as they can

Sinus infection? I’ll take two

I swish the beer around in my mouth before I swallow

Big fucking bucket of cherry coke with no ice