Being genuinely mentally ill with mentally ill parents as a child is such a fucking experience. Like yeah I had no friends and every kid ok hated me. Yeah I have no fucking idea about normal kid shit because my parents had couldn't give a fuck about that. Yeah sorry I know I'm behind my peers socially because I can't be normal at all. Sorry that's my life.

I wanna fucking explode.

I don't think people realize what the fuck it means to be a mentally ill child, at a young age. And be autistic at the same time. And have mentally ill traumatized shitty parents at the same time. Like the adults at that "trauma informed" school fucking hated me.

It would be so fucking funny an adult fucking loved me the way I desevered to be loved when I was little. The nicest thing a real adult has done for me recently, that wasn't my family, was say he wanted to house me if it wasn't illegal. And then he got fired because it turns out a kid went to his house at 1 am and he was like 80% chance of being a pedophile

Mm mm mm. I sure fucking love my brain and memories being so fucked that I can't tell whats real and whats my brain doing stupid shit. Theres an entire category of trauma that I don't know how to handle because its effecting me like its much more severe than I remember. But I don't remember things right. My small childhood brain blocked out things.

My God would my childhood make for a wild horror game. Like Jesus christ there have been so many moments that were just...disturbing as a whole.

Jeasus fucking christ my heart is hurting over a damn song that I recently found that I love because its also relatable in an incredibly hurtful way.

WOOOO ITS MY BRITHDAY! DDD
YIPEE

Tomorrow is my birthday. Dup dup dup dup dup dup dup

Gonna visit my granpa again. Haven't seen him in over 5 years .