so I made my mom schedule her a rapid test, risked driving her to be sure she was negative, rearranged our households sleeping situation and brought her here

and the poor thing doesn't know where she is, who's here with her, anything

and I'm a little pissed at my mom for either

1- not monitoring her water/food/med intake lately so her memory is worse than normal sure to dehydration or skipped pills

or 2- not bothering to mention how much her dementia has progressed

honestly leaning to a mix of both

Grandmother is really good natured and knows she's safe/with family but the level of anxiety she got last night would have been nice to have a heads up for

she kept talking about my mom being mad at her for not coming home

and then (2 hrs after arrival) thought she'd already spent the night and was going home

Two weeks of this is going to be v. rough

(that's assuming her negative result was accurate and I didn't just bring a pandemic into my house) 😳😳😳

OH. Oh my god?

yeeeeah

How are uh. The kids dealing. How are you doing right now.

Lily is super anxious and her school work is suffering a bit. The other day she spelled "accidentally" aksdntli

Jamie is fine. He's like a tiny imperturbable cannon ball

I left Zack home to do virtual school with both of ours and two of my sister's kids today as well as Grandmother so honestly he's probably worse at this point 😅 she doesn't know who he is at all

I'll be better once we've got a few days behind us and everyone settles in and I'm more sure of the accuracy of that test

NODS.... I hope it was accurate, for everyone's sake. Poor Lily. Like school work wasn't a Herculean enough task for kids right now...

I'm probably going to take her for another test towards the end of the week just in case

Nods....

I think Lily might have ADHD but it's so hard to tell with the situation right now. I'm going to ask for a mental health referral when we do the pediatrician on the 28th

NODS... good luck, I know ADHD is a lot more accurately and consistently screened for than it used to be, at least

yeah, hopefully all I have to do is ask for a screening? idk how diagnosis goes and tbh she really just needs a therapist because I don't know how to teach healthy coping mechanisms, I don't have any except masking and code switching and escapism

I think the symptoms that are giving me ADHD vibes are way worse due to anxiety than they would be, though her time blindness is very real

A lot of her anxiety may also be coming from trying to cope with the ADHD too so

yay intersectional issues

oh Lord I'm sorry about all of this nonsense >_<

unsolicited advice from a hospice chaplain re your gramma and dementia: dementia patients have a particularly hard time with routine changes and unfamiliar environments, and right now your gramma's got both--that probably contributed to her anxiety. Anything you can do to help her feel more oriented and at home will help. Good options include:

Serve favorite foods/drinks & try to maintain her normal schedule as much as possible. Put out photos she'll recognize, whether they're ones she has out at home or older family photos from when her memory was clearer (memory loss is generally age-regressive so childhood memories are the last to go and today's breakfast is the first).

If she's anxious about your mom being mad at her for not coming home, see if your mom's up for a reassuring phone call.

(if that's something your mom can do without making things worse, otherwise do not XD)

A lot of folx with dementia do what's called "sundowning" where they get particularly anxious/restless in the evening and early night hours. Lots of possible reasons related to it being a more disorienting time. If she continues to have a hard time in that timeframe (couldn't tell if it was just her settling in or sundowning), prepare to be extra reassuring

maybe provide treats as distractions ("I know you're worried about Mom. I promise she knows you're here and she's fine. How about we get some ice cream?") or depending on where she's at mentally, give her engaging tasks--folding laundry, playing with the kids, etc.

(Also possibly "folding" laundry as in having some linens to fidget with.)

blessings and luck! <3

Oh my God your parents

I'm late to this horrible party so they've already given all the good advice but yikes, I'm sorry, and good luck

I definitely will not complain about advice! I don't think evenings are usually harder but she also stays up ridiculously late watching tv in her room so it may be that the issue is invisible due to her sleep schedule

We basically just watch Bake Off anytime she needs an activity and otherwise she's happy to look at photo albums or talk to someone. it is rough on the kids answering "what grade are you in now?" over and over

she definitely doesn't have a good idea who Zack is, but that's rougher on him than her during the day when I'm at work I think. I'm really glad I'm only on three days this week. it was just shocking that she doesn't remember me getting married. good excuse to pull out a photo album though

I honestly might get around to printing some more pictures finally because she's always loved looking at photos and it is slightly more engaging than straight tv 24/7

valid and true (re photos vs tv)! forgot to mention, familiar music (esp from her young adult years) is likely to be soothing and memory-jogging too. It's always hard to deal with people losing the important milestone memories.

Hopefully she enjoyed rediscovering your wedding through photos with you.

Re music: problem is she was a very devout Baptist and I cannot take the religious hymns for very long 😅 but may do it at night instead of tv if she wants because late night news can't be good for her

"Finding Dory" might actually be a helpful rewatch for your kids around now? It hit me really hard from the angle of someone struggling with memory loss.

I think she defaults to news because she doesn't know what else to suggest

Maybe find out what shows & movies she watched when she was a kid/ young adult & try to find those as late night substitutes? I Love Lucy, Abbot & Costello, old Westerns, etc

or introduce something that's just really sweet like the Great British Baking Show if she likes baking shows

when I was a kid she did chores in the morning and read her Bible all afternoon... I don't think I've ever seen her watch a movie lol We do a lot of baking show though and it seems to work for her.

I just typed "dementia short film for kids" into youtube & there are tons of things there, maybe something that will help Zach (in addition to the Finding Dory suggestion). It's not gonna not hurt, but it might help it hurt a little less. --maybe she'd enjoy some religious programming then (streamed services or Bible study) if there's enough privacy that

it wouldn't drive you crazy XD

anyway those are my additional thoughts of the day, gtg be a productive adult

I may try that on the tv in her room. thanks for the suggestions!

<3

Asid from 'infuriating', how are your parents doing?

My dad is on day 10 of symptoms and seems to be getting better, though his pulse ox was low this morning. My mom is only on day three, so she's still not feeling too horrible but expects to get to the worst of it in the next three or four days.