i had a good weekend where i avoided it and when the urge did hit me i ignored it and stayed at home and relaxed

but the fall down my moms steps friday has my back all fucked up and i had a deep clean that lasted 6.5 hours and nothing i took for it today helped so i relented and said fine whatever WHISKEY

and whiskey did help me ignore my back pain so mission accomplished?? but i feel gross about it so i mean. i'm determined to make tomorrow better

its good that whiskey is starting to fill me with gross feelings i guess 'cause my drinking benders are getting less and less frequent

and each time i do slip and og back to it my thought the whole night is 'ugh i hate this why did i ever'

so the next few days are stern refusals to drink

if that makes sense idk. anyway tomorrow will be a day to focus and do better

hey, it's an improvement and any step towards healthier habits is a good step

tru!! yeh all weekend i just stayed at home. enjoyed my clean apartment, made dinner in my slow cooker then ate the left overs and didn't splurge on fast food

showered and drank two glasses of water before bed

BIG HUGS echoing that it's a good step at least

it was really nice and i try to remember that in moments when i slip and think about drinking, tonight i was so close to managing it

almost home thinking 'i'll do this for dinner' but my back hurt so fucking bad and nothing was helping so at the end i made that left turn into the gas station and sealed my fate

ended up getting panda express and going to the grocery store which wasn't a BAD thing but i been trying to save my money all week so there's more money gone thanks to drinking.

i mean i'll eat the stuff i bought but!! idk

anyway my goals rn are stop drinking, drink a ton more water, lose weight, save money

it all starts with 'stop drinking' 'cause whiskey fucks up EVERYTHING behind that step :/ i've put on 20 pounds or more of whiskey weight

and when i start drinking EVERYTHING sounds like a good idea

so i slipped tonight but i'm gonna try not to beat myself up over it and do better tomorrow and going forward

eat this food i bought make it through to pay day hopefully set aside a good chunk

alcoholism sucks

i know i keep saying that but its true