now here i am going oh wow drinking is a slippery slope how will i stop i again

one drink and you feel like shit and go well

i fucked up already

so might as well embrace being a fuck up

and from there, you just look at yourself as a fuckup

i just wanna watch myself self destruct i guess

hey hun, you can still do this, no matter how hard you slip up. i believe in you.

yeah i feel like i take slip ups too hard

i talked to a substance abuse counselor we raid with

and he was like no you made it a month thats awesome!! its not about failing it about doing better next time

but me i'm like no

i failed slightly so i'm trash

i might as well commit to failing because fuck it

part of it is still denial like

i can't believe i'm like this

i'm with your substance abuse counselor. i know how awful and shitty the feeling of failure can be but it's definitely about doing better next time. you can do this still.

yeah he put a really really good perspective on a lot of stuff

i'm just idk

i feel like a failire

like wow if i was worth a damn i wouldn't have failed

it just sucks

i wish i wasn't like this

i feel bad for getting like this

don't you dare fucking say that. you're worth it. people slip up all the time, even people who succeed. you're going to do better, trust me. even if you fail again, it's okay.

we're here for you, hun.

like i remember when i was good people who everyone fuckin adored, now i'm. this :/

i feel like a shell of my former self

and aww thanks!!

you're still great

i will say this 100 times over

i still hjave a hard time saying i'm an alcoholic too. it feels surreal

its weird 'cause i don't look at other addicts like trash like even before i dealt with this i sympathized so much

and now here i am, still going they're not trash!!

but i am

thats how i feel anyway

dude i am super fucking proud that you pushed through an entire month

that is fucking awesome

that substance abuse counselor is totally right (and of course he is; he is pro): you are absolutely not a failure

you kicked ass and i know you'll kick more ass again

yeah i hope so making it a month was surprising tbh

i made it .... 3 nights? this week