so that's not a good combination anyway but

So tonight was the MUN team dinner and at the after party I drank in a substantial manner for first time since like... August?

and I had fun! And felt pretty chill!

and on the drive back all I can think of is if I came off as trying to hit on someone that I admire and yes is attractive but I know and acknowledge and am cool with the fact that Nothing Is Happening

And I really want to text her and apologize? But feel like that could also make things awkward and also, what if her noticing and being annoyed is all in my head?

and I really dislike that I can have a lot of fun and have a really awesome night with my clan of nerds

And not ten minutes after, I'm worried that I should send a text or talk to her to make sure it wasn't awkward or disrespectful or weird

can I just drink socially and not anxiety spiral. I'm kinda out of it for now but it was strong as all get out not twenty minutes ago.

just gonna do breathing exercise and tell myself it's okay for tonight and reassess with sleep and sobriety.

it is totally chill to say something the next morning like "hey, was i too weird/bad last night?" especially if all of you were kinda sloshed

i've def done it

and if you weren't too bad you weren't too bad and you were considerate for asking!

if you don't want to say anything tho that's also valid, if she doesn't bring it up then you can assume it's cool

good luck with whatever you do!!!!!

what ginny said, i would definitely give it a night to sleep on tho

thank you both. it did help last night (and I did pass out).
an update: the person in question texted me anyway on something unrelated today

I checked if hey, was I a bit too weird last night

Her response "absolutely not - even if you were, me (x) and (x) were all on your same level of weirdness haha"

which. honestly, makes me feel a lot better. a little bleh for the anxiety hitting last night but focusing on that I didn't do anything weird and also didn't freak out and make it awkward last night

i'm glad. <3

i mean, sorry about the anxiety, but.

glad things are okay.

same here. sometimes you just need a night to sleep on it to get the full story

yeah. plus, alcohol always makes anxiety worse.

makes my* anxiety worse