so, now being off my meds (hooray money) for just over two weeks now, I'm recognizing a few things

1) much MUCH less patience in general. I get really pissed, really easily these days and that's very frustrating

2) so much harder to focus on anything productive without my meds and wow, makes it clear why college the first time sucked so bad.

3) just trying to do anything that requires consistent application of brains - homework, MUN, even stuff like video games - is a lot more difficult.

4) admittedly, also easier to put things into clarity on the "what I want/need" in the grand scale sense because wow do I have a better understanding of that now.

4 cont'd) basically, a) I'm lonely and really want people to be around, and particularly someone in person who I can actually trust and cuddle and be emotionally intimate with

4b) the state of things so annoys me that wow, I would get very bitter and frustrated doing education as a career

4c) fucking christ, why did it take me until going off my meds to feel like a reset on all the stuff influenced by Al, I really do not like that

5) hopefully with proper and adjusted meds, putting together the Actual Interest in politics and + ability to focus = actually being able to get into this as a career or something rather than just kvetching

yeah, not as much clarity as I'd like, but whatever, I'm trying not to spiral into depression off totally random things. small victories.

there anything that can be done by people who are not present in person to help?

and, either way: i'm sorry about all this.

I... I don't know. Having support and contact of any kind helps, I just... I'm tired of feeling frustrated or wanting more, especially when it's not anyone else's job to make me feel better.

sorry, this all doesn't help.

no, it's okay. <3 i asked, and you answered the question i asked!

and it's...i mean, it's not people's job per se, but that doesn't mean people don't want you to feel better. i like you! that means i want good things for you, and to help make them happen if i can.

and the same, i bet, goes for everyone else who might be reading this plurk, and other people as well.

just in case it wasn't clear before, I really hate being off my meds.

i'm so sorry.

do you have any idea when it's going to be possible to get them back?

earliest is Friday, but not sure honestly.

yikes. here's hoping for friday, then.

You and me both. And thank you for the support.