Talked to the sucide hotline about it. Got given advice that was essentially "maybe you'll get that caring adult you need. Maybe" and 3 websites that will do jack shit to help me, that I checked.

I promise that if I was there and a couple of years older I would take care of you,I would...

you deserve so,so much more

I just had the most unhelpful 2 hour conversation ever. I essentially got "I'm ending the chat now, ill check in with you tomorrow, try to do as you planned and get some sleep" once they realized that I really just am in fucked situation. Not I can't fucking talk to my parents about this. That would mean calling them out on so much shit

No the links you sent me won't work actually. Because they are barley anything to help. No I don't have other adults I can trust. Yeah I just told you that I actively want to die more now but there's jack shit either of us can do to solve the problem

Because the problem is a problem in both society and my life

So I just egt fucked. That's it. They really said "well you turn 18 in 3 years" and "maybe you can try to find another way to heal and live a happy life". Sure. I'll just heal from the thing that has a clear fucking solution that I just can't get

I don't know what to do

Everything hurts so much

you should really talk to them
calling them out is scary,but it's the right thing to di

Maybe in another world time. I am doing better right now, using my special comfort plush. It's like 6 am for me an I haven't slept at all but I chugged a monster earlier.

I might just. Stop and let Zero take the wheel. I can trust him to not commit death.

any updates?

We fell asleep. Having a weighted stuffy is something I can genuinely like say helped. It somewhat was grounding us. It was 6 am and we had cried a lot and then zero was suddenly in charge so we went to sleep.

stuffies are amazing!

Yep