I've been thinking about how tied to my past some media is, and cowboy bebop keeps coming up since it's something I've watched quite literally since I was 4 years old
it's always been in a space between dreams and being awake, weirdly lucid and in a specific time and place for me
watching it sometimes feels like a connection with the past, which is funny...
it's always been in a space between dreams and being awake, weirdly lucid and in a specific time and place for me
watching it sometimes feels like a connection with the past, which is funny...
I don't mean nostalgia either, but a truer connection to the past, a space or a rift that places you into this displaced area of your time, of your feelings, nostalgia is just a piece of the entire thing but it's not the picture itself
thinking about how strongly and intensely someone can connect to something is something I wonder how other people experience things, why I feel hollow when watching new releases or I watch something old and from that time in general, very few things have that impact for me
and I can't help but wonder why or how those circumstances come about, what causes something to feel that strongly for someone? other than being a child, how can anyone feel that energy and emotion and pour it into something else? where does it come from?
I'm currently watching cowboy bebop from a VHS recording of adult swim's actn block in 2002, but right now we don't have power from the storm and the TV is running off of a generator and so is the internet, and that's probably throwing me back to hurricane rita
it was a time that I had some surreal experiences with media at the time, in the dark and the heat surrounded by candlelight and cloudy skies and uncertainty, sleeping in the living room with every single one of my family members and even friends renting in the same room
it's a time that I forget until I remember it, like it's muscle memory or reflex that once you feel it it's present again
being in a situation like that makes your experiences and actions feel less hollow and empty, they have more weight
being in a situation like that makes your experiences and actions feel less hollow and empty, they have more weight
it's funny, because cowboy bebop is a story about the past, running from it, confronting it, being possessed by it, and being helpless to it, and in turn about the future as well
for me, it has this power of presenting the past as a capsule to step into and be present in sometimes and it follows me in a way that almost nothing else does or can
for me, it has this power of presenting the past as a capsule to step into and be present in sometimes and it follows me in a way that almost nothing else does or can
it's one of those things that has an impossible, incalculable, unconveyable and undefinable weight, array of feelings, and value for me that I cannot shake when seeing it present more and more as something passing and trendy, treated as a disposable cardboard standup to prop yourself next to and give yourself something to stand on
I can't help but feel this way about it because of how much.... weight it has for me and how... important? it is to me, and how much it feels to be a part of me, my past, who I am
cowboy bebop isn't my personality but it is my past and is deeply rooted in me and I can't not feel that when seeing it
cowboy bebop isn't my personality but it is my past and is deeply rooted in me and I can't not feel that when seeing it
I wish I had the ability to see things with that same eye, that same heart, and make something with that same blood and fiber ingrained into something
I really do get quite emotional about cowboy bebop in a way almost nothing else makes me feel, not evangelion or lain or the like
I really do get quite emotional about cowboy bebop in a way almost nothing else makes me feel, not evangelion or lain or the like