Also tax benefits

Maybe hire a lawyer

Like in advance

Maybe a whole team of lawyers and pay off the local government

consider usurping the local government and becoming a mob town

DJSKJD WHEEZE YEAH

Get all your shit together before even attempting

"How much damage can one man cause?" Much and many

But he will treat someone good even if he is a piece of shit

also vel would just be crime trophy wife

meanwhile for fearless and greed the marriage would BE a crime such as for citizenship or for the meme

What's a marriage? Oh cool, sick ring, I'm keeping this forever

... That's the point, Greed

hdjgogkfkgt

Vel would be the best wife. Just knows he's gunna do stupid shit and like. Accepts his fact.

Greed and Fearless are in a jail cell together for their honey moon

Some Bonnie and Clyde shit

also because HE IS STUPID he would not be the one to ask

You have to do it and he'd just be like: ??? and distracted by the rock let's be real here

Just walkin' away all that sure was a neat thing I just got

more than that she would have Plans for when stupid shit happens. Ah, he's locked up again? thats fine she has a favor ready to call in

fearless, yeah. yeah,

outlaws smh

Greed: You should have seen the crime I did today
Vel: (paying off someone) I'm sure it was a great one, sweetie

hell runs worse because neither of them want to do politics

Ver: So who are we bringing home with us tonight? Monogamy is so last season
Noi: Cool. Can we fight now?

it would be an absolute shit show, but Nanami would end up getting in good graces of everyone in local power he possibly can just so that he has extra clout to help get Greed out of whatever he's done this time

tacce HE WOULD WHINE so much. So so much like

Do we gotta. DO WE REALLY GOTTA

Look in discovered flat pancakes that's totally more interesting (he's talking about crepes)

He doesn't wanna do that shit. Big groaning hours

accessories MONOGAMY is never part of it with him. Let's find ourselves someone fun and ruin them

Also the marriage with Noi is that she breaks him. Constantly. It's fine, he comes back and loves it every time

wafflicious see there is a reason they got married suits. The lack of accountability. Thank u thank u

yeah, he's definitely still going to be fucking around, but this softens the finding out

Listen. Greed is never gunna be just for one person. But in a what-if married scenario? That person gets him first

That's just the rules

Also you need to explain how this works to him

Make him a pop up book of Marriage 101

[hell falls apart bc both of them got distracted by pancakes]

bsjgbjsk

Think of it this way, he wouldn’t need bail money for either one. Verosika would flirt with some higher ups and Noi would crush a brick in her hand, then say it’s their skulls next. Hand him over

TRUE LOVE is flirting with a cop or crushing a brick between your fingers to rescue your sin husband 10/10.

Greed would definitely be giving Verosika the thumbs up from the holding tank. And he would like Noi carry him out like a bride

tacce hell falls apart and everyone is wondering where the fuck they went. They're at home, eating pancakes, while Greed is lounging out with a mimosa or five (it's been 3 days of this)

Anything for that nasty man

its fiiiineeee

HE DOES demand everything so anything is just a-ok with him

wafflicious also he knows he's going to be in deep shit. Does he do it anyway? Yes. Look at that grin, how could you say no to a guy like that (easily)

tacce it's fine, everything is FINE Greed will be joining the chaos once he finishes this mimosa. Just ollie out the window to set things straight

Maniacal laughter in the distance intensifies

lucifer working on a duck like yeah thats probably fine

if they're married then he didn't say no

Uno reverse YOU better have bail money ready. (Actually it falls on Moxxie to bail both their asses out)

DJSJJDD WHEEZE YOU'RE NOT WRONG

Listen Moxxie should have seen the other guy. Also thank you Moxxie for being a peach here. Good friend

good work Moxx, he might give you a raise if you keep it up also now handle this paperwork while they go do CRIMES

They have places to ROB and cars to drive at ridiculously high speeds

best part is I can see either of them driving and the other hanging out the side shooting

angel wants to renew their vows like once a week bcause he likes dressing up

I feel like it would be the greatest case of "How does this keep happening??" ever

got that homunculi rizz he never asked for

Twominsnotice That's like their every night with the heaviest metal playing full blast, then just skidding on home. He's gunna lift that imp through the door laughing his ass off THAT IS HOW IT ROLLS

ceedawkes YES YES AND HE TAKES ANGEL wherever he wants. Dances with him and always counts it as a surprise. What is his husband going to wear this time? What surprise in store? He also got you this necklace, it's shiny

Gesomon Para's constant suffering of being married to homunculi that just fucking lift his ass, have no concept of person space, and just go through the walls of life like the fucking Kool Aid man

jazz hands homunculi

he has a type and somehow that's it

SOMEHOW THIS MAN HAS FOUND IT

HE WASN'T EVEN LOOKING

Nope that's how it works

They crash into your life like an out of control truck and there's nothing you can do to stop it

Law of Alchemy (tm)

clearly he should just marry the entire nest

nest husband

HE HAS BEEN WAITING

Greed like

I have FOUR ARMS for a REASON

(but really it's basically once you work for him, sorry, sorry you got avarice for life here)

Pit Bull Homunculus who likes his things so much (too much)

so so so much. but his things love to be loved lbr

WEIRD GUY he's a weird fucking creature

so many shinies

wears a wedding ring on every finger

oh ABSOLUTELY

10 fingers full of some of the gaudiest shit he can find