namely that my phone keeps making NOISES

yep

every app binging and binging and beeping

bonging*

I'm sure there are ways to manage it individually but since my phone is normally strictly forbidden to make noise...

I keep it on Do Not Disturb with starred contacts allowed to text and call me, and a handful of apps like my med tracker, Libby, and several others can notify me. everything else is not allowed unless I turn off Do not disturb (mostly if I am expecting a call from a specific person)

but it was a Pain to get it set up

and so many apps try to guilt you into allowing notifs