Carlita Crumpacker wants to be my friend. She's hot and only has 47 friends—all of whom I don't know. Must be a fake. Darn.

Mixed up my Jack Blacks and my Jack Whites. They're the ying-yang of entertainers.

Remember how I dreamt I met Bill Cosby a few months ago? He was in my dream again last night. He remembered me and called out my name. Wild.

"Everything happens… and we reason." ~ RyanOmega

"The Internet is for cat videos. And porn." ~ ciscoman

“I like the dog. If he can’t eat it, or f*ck it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that.” ~ shitmydadsays is.gd/8KrJB

Picture an auto-tuned version of James Taylor's "Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight." That's what's playing in the office right now.

Here's an idea for a funny video mashup: Donnie Brasco vs Donnie Darko

"IBM Invents Jeopardy!-Playing Computer" - via @mental_floss Follow chaoticfluffy. She's working on project Watson.

We're retaining water bottles at the office. I just found 17 empty 5-gallon jugs scattered throughout the house.