Companies hire Social Media Experts, but I wanna be a Company Troll. I'd insult competitors online. "HEY RAY'S PIZZA, U GUYS SUCK LOLOLOL"

There is no greater accomplishment in life then getting all the groceries from car to house in one trip.

Still feeling guilty about the gecko, I have no idea how Casey Anthony does it.

Raid should make an "Ants, Roaches but totally cool with Geckos" Spray. I'd buy it.

To the family of the gecko I inadvertantly killed while spraying for ants this weekend: I'm sorry. You are welcome at my house anytime.

A "digg this" button is the sign of a lazy or non-existant webmaster.

I could really use some alone time this weekend, so I think I'm going to check out that Smurfs movie.

I have Hoarders as a DVD set. I was going to throw it away when I was done, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

When I'm in a club I don't make it rain on the girls, I have a roll of quarters and I make it HAIL.

If the NFL did have a lock-out would the Canadian Football Leauge reluctantly come with?