How school works: 2+2=4. Homework: 2+4+2=8. Exam: John had 4 apples. He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Suns mass

Calories are just little tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.

"Hey I finally got a girlfriend!" "This is an april fools joke right" "hmm..Yeah, how'd you know?" "Have you looked in the mirror?"

3/4 of the people you will ever meet are hungering & thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, & they will love you. -Dale Carnegie

So, If you can't tell me, Why mention it?

When you try telling someone something funny, but you can't stop laughing.

My head says go to the gym, my heart says eat more ice cream.

Clean your!̸̶͚͖͖̩̻̩̗͍̮̙̈͊͛̈͒̍̐ͣͩ̋ͨ̓̊̌̈̊́̚͝͠ͅ ̷̧̢̛͖̤̟̺̫̗͚̗͖ͪ̏̔̔̒́ͥ̓ͫ̀ͤ̇ͥ͝ ̡̊͛̇ ͫ̉ͦ̊̀̔ͧͮ͆̽ͦͩ͋̌͗̚̚҉̵͖̟͙̮͈̼̹̞͝ͅscreen.

The man who does Mickey's voice, is married to the lady who does Minnie's voice in real life.