I wish I didn't feel so stressed all the time

I wish I had enough money to get by regularly like I used to and extra on the side...

I woke up unrested today a few mins ago to a text saying I'm under 50$ right now.... And pay day isn't until next week....

But I don't want to say anything to people because I appreciate the help, but I also feel bad that I can't pay people back for being like "here this is to help you"

And I'm very greatful but I also feel awful because even if I want to repay them back for their help, it feels like I won't be able to get back to that point anymore now

I don't know how long it'll be like this and I don't want people to basically pay for everything for me for an unknown amount of time

Last night trying to sleep, I just kept thinking about how much shit I had to worry about, even if I was trying my best to shut those thoughts out, knowing it was only making it worse for myself

I've been feeling lonely and like I won't ever find someone for myself in my love life for a while now. It's not like I need someone, but I see and hear others happy together and I can't help but reach out like.... Can I ever have that too?

Part of that is due to the shitty music at work and how most of them make no sense but... Idk it's stupid

I've been doing my best not to discourage myself. Things will turn around for me eventually. It always does. I'm just having a hard time seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. So it's been hard not to let myself give into the sad thoughts

I'm fighting myself to keep from giving in to these feelings and I'm just so tired... I don't want to admit defeat and throw the towel in but sometimes I wonder what the point is of trying anymore

It would be easier to give in than keep feeling like shit

And I'm sorry for any friends I've been letting down either through rp or anything else. I'm doing my best but it isn't good enough

it's okay sweetie. you know I'm always here for you anytime you need and tour feelings are valid. you're doing your best and it honestly be like that. i know you'll yet through it

atm tho it's okay to feel this way and think this way . you are human and sometimes shit is gonna be like that

just know I'm proud of all the baby steps you taken and I believe in you

and obvs take the time w rp stuff. you can do it when you're in the mood to and feel like you wanna

Sweating

Got to work and looks at the next 2 weeks and went.... This isn't going to work for me. The plus side is my manager is doing what she can to fix my hours but uh...

I was only down for 4 days for 2 weeks and each is between 3-6 hour shifts more around 4

Like I need as many hours as I can get because my broke ass can't afford anything and I definitely cannot do only 4 days

I'll fucking die

I'm barely managing now (if you can call it managing). I def won't be able to with that

The plus side is that my manager is actually trying to work with me and actually gives a shit about my concerns so there's that

I really hope the Forces That Be are kinder to you in the coming weeks! In the meantime be sure to get enough rest and be kind to yourself <3

hopefully the manager will be able to resolve the issues .

and give you the hours you need