So it's been... a little while since the trip to GA

But it simultaneously feels like it's been months... and like it's been only days

Sleep schedule is garbage, mood swinging all over the place, appetite just weird

But... ruipressed remains my rock, Tsukeru my RP soulmate, EternalLie the person who's able to just Get Me when it's reaching the lowest point with my mood swings

I feel like my life is forever just out of my grasp, as far as control goes. Always just shy of having it together, even when things are going the best they could

I often feel like there's very little point in trying, but the need to try is always there

I'm. Tired

Yet if someone asks if I'm okay, I generally don't have an honest answer, lol

I don't know!

And I guess that's okay? I know it's okay to not be okay, I know it's okay to not know if you are

But I also guess I just want to stop feeling like a walking CW/TW

Updates the tags for this

Anyway, I started to make a Plurk not that long ago, but the stress of trying that came close to literally sending me to the hospital for... darkbrain stuff.

I have a doctor's appointment on Monday bc my heart is doing horribly now. I can't stand up without feeling the left side of my chest vibrating painfully for a while

SO... decided it just wasn't worth my actual life, at that moment

But. I do want to go into some stuff

Everything in this plurk is going to be my opinion

Which is just this: Mandy needs psychological help, and encouraging paranoia/unhealthy patterns for someone like this is terrible

The best form of help? Not engaging with horribly criminal accusations that do not have legitimate evidence behind them

The best way to be a friend to someone clearly in need of hospitalization is to help them get there

Encourage them to go stay with professionals

I am not in a healthy place for doing any of that, so I cut myself free of such toxicity. This is a form of self-care

Everyone deserves happiness

Especially me! I've been through bullshit

But yeah... life ain't fair sometimes, karma always gets its payments, and if you can't come up with a reasonable explanation for doing something: don't do it

This plurk is only open to comments from friends because I don't trust basically anyone other than the three I pinged into here.

You know I'm always gonna be here for you.

nuzzles

I should clarify though that the trust thing isn't even anything against others, even in the light of the Mandy stuff

My paranoia is. Bad. Lately

I'm going to be seeing a doctor in the future about that. So yeah that was just one more reason to cut myself free, heh. Cannot engage with someone repeatedly bringing up a list of mental health issues... It had me eventually curling inward, and threatening to spiral into much darker places

Bad.

Negl I would have done it in a much nicer way if not for the way just me going quiet was responded to

and things only being considered "bad timing" when it was directly affecting her stuff kinda proved to me that it was a vastly one-sided relationship

Because what about the fact that I had just been horribly traumatized and was sick? That sure didn't stop any begging for me to help

So yeah just some shit that's been weighing heavily on me

An important life lesson to learn tho: don't ever freely give and give, unless the other person is also giving to you

That's an unhealthy relationship and everyone deserves better

Do not befriend a sponge

nods, agreed

tbh

<3

Said it on Discord, but also saying it here: I'm sorry she pulled this with you too, and glad she was at least sloppy enough about it to give herself away quick.

Yesterday ended up being super rough for me, mentally. I finally talked about some things I've kept secret for my entire life

Which was as helpful as it was scary!

Ended up having a pretty harsh mental space during my shower earlier /rubs face

But I'm... still doing things in healthy ways, rather than harmful

Drank some water, ate something healthy for breakfast

Taking my meds

I'm glad to hear. keep taking care of yourself; you deserve it.

I don't talk about those things either so like. Literally no one else knows about the one part but you now. At least it wasn't just you! I'm glad you're still taking care of yourself.