Real talk and real vulnerability here, which is taking a lot since I'm usually the "put my head down and bear it til something breaks" kind of person.

Which, yeah, isn't healthy, but that's not what this is about.

I had PLANS for this month. I was super excited about this plot and was so ready to jump in and do things.

I know it's not my fault that work is fucking me up hard-core right now.

I know it's not my fault that I barely have the brain power to exist after work, let alone pretend to be two incredibly smart and witty people.

And yet I feel like a shitty person for not being able to do the thing.

The desire to give up on the hobby I love so much because of lack of spoons, brain weasels, and a fuck ton of things I can't control is super strong right now.

I am so frustrated and that's making things worse.

I just... Don't know what to do.

/offers bugs, rea, and condolences

Logically, I know if I quit, I'll likely regret it.

....oh my god

Hugs, tea, and condolences

I was so busy making sure I didn't fuck up the only word that was spelled right...

Awww /hugs

I'm in a similar position right now. <3 I feel you.

I feel like I'm just begging for attention right now, but I feel like I need to say something to maybe hopefully silence the many thoughts telling me that no one would care if I left.

dendrite:

I honestly only ever feel flaked on if plans are dropped that I'm waiting on in order to like....know where my character is, emotionally, and I'm not communicated with about them.

and I think the way to go is....if you know you're low on reserves at the moment, which is SUPER understandable when your job changes under you to something that is Way Worse, then.....make fun plans, get to them as you get to them, communicate if you can't, and avoid like the time-sensitive defining-future-reactions stuff.

ALSO, hiatus comas are made for this

where you don't want to leave but life is coming at you and eating you alive

athensbrat: thank you so much for saying so. TBH you were one of the people I was really thinking about.

in addition to my condolences about job stuff, one of mine did that to me at the start of the pandemic and it was AWFUL, I understand how absolutely mental health befuckering it is

😱😱😱

It is! And being frustrated about things is just making it worse.

mmmhm, when the thing that should be fun isnt fun because it's now just another source of pressure, that is a special hell

Exactly

so!! no sweat, take a hiatus, free yourself from pressure, don't overcommit, and see where you are in a while, is my advice

And, logically, I know it's all bad brain and in my head. I just can't silence it on my own and needed that external validation, if that makes sense.

at least where I'm concerned, you can always jump back in when you're up to it

/Hugs!!

Thanks, hun.

I'm still super disappointed about missing the plot. Though I'm still saying both of mine sacrificed themselves, since I signed up.

yeah, I don't even know if I'll post to the latest log, I've been in this same boat