this was only the second time I've seen her, but it is really nice to actually have an assigned PCP instead of a revolving door of them, and I think I really like her

I WOULD LOVE to have an appointment where I don't cry or get choked up in though

I was trying so hard to be cool, preparing for when she inevitably asks about how my assessment went, but lmao

I immediately struggled

which pissed me off because I didn't want to seem dramatic or contrary or manipulative or idk

but I immediately got choked up or like... just had trouble saying words. lots of big weird pauses. ugh

ultimately said it went fine. not what i expected so was still processing. I couldnt help saying that it was a rough appointment.

said the psych didn't think i had adhd or asd and instead have a personality disorder that none of my counselors have ever agreed with. but she did recommend a med that I hope will be helpful for anxiety and a new therapy to look into. so, i tried to be positive.

but i know i looked bad!!

it was luckily a video visit, so i could see that she at least had concerned eyebrows over it. that made me feel a little better about it.

well... i don't know if they were concerned eyebrows. could have been confused or doubtful. or sympathetic. idk. but they were eyebrows nonetheless, and they stayed that way through most of the appointment.

seemed to want to actually hear what i thought about things we talked about. that was a nice change from other doctors. i think i really like her.

so idk. i know she's going to go back and talk to the psych. i think they work really closely together or are at least really familiar with each other, since she very highly recommended her when we originally made the assessment appointment.

im just... i know she's going to go back and talk to the psych now about what I'd said about the appointment, and I'm worried the psych is going to double down on her opinion, or see what I was saying as further evidence for those opinions or decide that I'm drug-seeking or something.

because I don't think I can restart my ADHD meds now!!

because the psych doesn't think I have it!!!!

my doctor asked if I wanted to restart it and I was like idk if I can?? because isn't that part of what I got an assessment for?

since it's a controlled substance, they had told me I can't just hop back onto it after so long of a break.

I'd ask about that! that's a confusion that would be good to clear up

so idk. I don't know who makes those decisions.

I'm so tired.

it shouldn't be so hard

yeah. it's exhausting.

I guess it's good that I hadn't had my heart set on getting meds again.

if your doctor is willing to prescribe them there's nothing... stopping them

blobulon: that's good to know. I'm wondering if she will go against what the psych thinks-- because the psych is an in-house one that she works closely with.

if I say that I'd like to go back on the meds

I'm hoping the psych's opinion on me not having ADHD isn't as strong as her opinion about me not having ASD

I'm actually furious on your behalf about "personality disorder" WTF

Honestly, if you want to go back on the meds I'd say so! The worst that happens is you end up at where you'd be if you didn't say something

draconic: yeah... I think will at least try once I know how these new meds treat my system and are settled. and maybe by that point, the assessment won't be as recent and I will have talked to my doctor a few more times

so she'll have a better sense herself of what's up with me

there's nothing wrong with having a personality disorder, to be clear, but it's the "this person is probably drug seeking" attitude

blobulon: yeah it seemed to be a "you don't have an executive function problem, it can all be explained by a personality disorder + anxiety disorder + not socialized enough because I was homeschooled"

because I did well in school! (ignoring the classes I was way behind in) and graduated with honors! (ignoring how school nearly killed me and my grades in some of my classes dragged my score way down)

clearly I can't have adhd

infuriating

I hope you can bring yourself to be a bit more honest any how you feel the assessment went. Just because the doctor and psych work together, didn't mean you have to be polite about how it went. It's better to be honest. That you felt blindsided by her opinion, and that no one you've seen prior agrees with that assessment.

If AdHD meds helped you before, say so. And give details if you can, about how they helped you.

And honestly, if you need it, bring an advocate with you.

I've been my mom's advocate at the doctor before, because she couldn't remember what details she needed to tell him. So I was there to do it for her. And make sure that the doctor listened.

gfdhkjg this is all good to keep in mind, thanks

ngl I saw your last plurk and went 'oh if you're afab they're gonna try and tell you it's bipolar' and sure ENOUGH

literally every person that I know that's an adult with adhd diagnosis (myself included) has been told it's a personality disorder

(I do not know your gender but most of the folks I know that have been late diagnosed are afab thus the thought)

regardless I hope also that this becomes apparent for your pcp and your psych that it's a shock and fingers crossed they work together and get you exactly what you need.

takozu: lmaoooooooooooooo.......

there was big "you can only be diagnosed with asd if: /lists things that typically show up in amab and not afab folks"

especially the like... ways in which I bent over backward to adapt, and how I retreated inward instead of lashing outward

you can't have the boy disorder!!! it's for boys!!! you must have the girl one

aaaa

redpyre: is that a garak emote

🌈 Friends of Garak 🌈

blobulon: of course it is~

I'm so happy

It’s one of my faves. And so is he.