so that assessment went bad yesterday in ways I didn't expect righ

been having a bad time trying to wrap my head around or properly process it. caused a big mood crash and idk

I at least was like PHEW glad my counseling appointment is tomorrow

...but of course, this is the first time my therapist has ever last-minute called in sick

so gfhdjghk

no counseling for me today/

the really really REALLY short version is that she said not only did she see no signs at all of ASD, but AHSD either. which that's the one that I've officially had on the books for years.

and instead gave me her opinion of a completely different diagnosis that I have NEVER gotten before

even though she admitted I only fulfilled some of the criteria

I just

she was a very nice, very intelligent person. so it's hard for me to decide what I think about all the things she said

and there was A LOT.

it was supposed to be an hour long appointment. it turned into a two hour long one.

it was messy. I got emotional. we talked and debated about a lot of things.

so now idk

I feel like I lost a ton of the stability that I finally had been building

she's got recommendations for new meds... and also a new counselor?? because she has Opinions about my current one.

I just feel gross and defeated and I can't decide why.

because she might be right?? I don't know.

I don't know what I think anymore.

honestly, I say it might be worth getting a second opinion? especially if she's doubting your current diagnosis

because she might also be wrong

oop, correcting a typo: no ASD or ADHD

draconic: yeah, she was like "that's just one opinion" at the end. but I have been looking FOREVER for even this one shot at assessment. because no one does it.

no idea how I'm going to find a second opinion. I'm on medicaid.

that I can't help with, unfortunately, but yeah I would at least not automatically assume her opinion is like. Correct?

if nothing else I'd say run it past your counselor, once you get a chance to

I'm highly sus of an abrupt 180 on a diagnosis like that

especially on medicaid

yeah, I'm definitely going to try and run the whole thing by her. that's what I'd desperately wanted to do today. need some perspective.

gotta wait a week now though

I... should probably take some notes, because I'm going to forget a lot of what she'd said by next week, I think

nobody happens to have any experience with DBT do they? that's the therapy that she was pushing but I don't know anything about it.

eh, I mean ... this is just my opinion, but I think DBT can be helpful in some circumstances. oftentimes there is a learned aspect to your own behaviors that you can work on, but it also really just ... depends on what the condition is (& the therapist who's providing the therapy ofc)

like, DBT for ADHD can be really helpful because a lot of people who struggle with ADHD are banging their head against the wall trying to do things the "neurotypical way" instead of revising that behavior to do something that works better for them

or they've already decided they're "bad" at something, so DBT "trains" you how to not automatically settle into that mindset a bit better

does it make you focus better? no, but it can help with some of the underlying "symptoms" caused by the root thing, if that makes sense

anyway, i'm really sorry the diagnosis didn't go the way you expected. I'd also be pretty suspicious of that big of a 180 in diagnosis

crepusculae: thanks, this is already helpful. and yeah... writing out notes for myself on what we talked about, i'm realizing how much of it was upsetting to me

like, doubting that my current therapist is right for me, despite me ADORING them. and when I'd said that they also had ASD, she said that she is 100% sure that my counselor was not diagnosed with that as a kid, because you just can't be a therapist if you are autistic.

UHHHH ....

/doubt

...........yeah that counselor is fired

and the fact that I like... have always consciously studied other people to learn how to be socially, and just can't identify with "normal" people at all, and have always felt like another species is due to unsocialized as a kid because I was homeshcooled for most of my life

and that my constantly checking my expression and posture and constant running through my head trying to seem normal-enough around other people is just my social anxiety. and my feeling like an alien who just does not fit comfortably in society is because of personality disorder that I have never been diagnosed with before.

yeaaaaah no

hmm. lmao

like is it possible that have been homeschooled for much of your life isn't helping? absolutely

but I highly doubt that's the only reason

*having been

i don't have ASD myself, but most folks I know who do have said they have never been formally diagnosed because of stuff like this, so I can't say I'm terribly surprised

yeah... and it's not like I didn't have friends or wasn't around other kids idk

crepusculae: yeah, she did at least say that she has to go by the DSM, and that she thinks there will have to be changes to it in the next five years because of this "new" definition of autism that people are using now.

well, you know what they say, a broken clock is right twice a day LMAOOO

...but she also implied that a lot of people who think they have ASD based on all of this new stuff don't actually, and they're mostly gravitating toward it so that they have more automatic compassion from others.

ew!

crepusculae: jfhdkjhfdkjg

i do think that it's possible to be wrong in self-diagnosis but uh. this lady has so many bad opinions i'm inclined to think she's full of shit LMAO

and she said all these things in ways that made sense! like, she didn't say it in a derogatory way, but in a like "yeah it makes sense that they would want that" kind of thing. so... idk it's really hard to dismiss the things she said.

haaaa

yeah I wish she seemed more obviously judgmental or out of touch or something.

hi, person who was homeschooled until high school here: fuck this counselor

and I think because she didn't seem that way, everything she said was extra gutting.

sagesaria: uuuuuah homeschooled friend

unfortunately some people are good at bein g wrong in a very eloquent and polite way

god

I do feel like there were ways I was held back mentally by my homeschooling, between not knowing the norms of public schools (literally didn't know what a GPA was, etc.) and my teacher being my dad who is....well, my dad. /lololol daddy issues

I feel like my brain has been scrambled.

and, she may not have meant it in a judgemental way either, I think that leigitmately what folks learn in school about autism and what it entails is like. wrong or outdated

but too many people act like home schooling is solitary confinement

"but how will they socialize" ...by meeting other kids???? I literally grew up next to a playground! My parents have friends with kids! I took tae kwon do in my preteens!

i def understand doubting it, the first few therapists I had were BAD and I was sitting there like "am I just trying to justify quitting this because I don't like what I said even though they're right, or are they just bad at this"
however. from a thirs party standpoint, it sounds to me like she is operating on incorrect assumptions and information

yeah, I talked about church friends, and my homeschool group, and lots of 4-H, but she was like "but it wasn't socializing for hours at a time every day"

...hot take, I didn't exactly socialize for hours at a time in high school either

I sat in class and tried to pay attention???

another hot take: being forced to interact with people is how bullying happens

crepusculae: normally I'm better at kind of... sorting these things out. I've had both good and bad counselors over the years. but this one just threw me for a loop, so outside perspective is so helpful thank you

sagesaria: haaa yeah....

yeah, anyone socializing for "hours at a time" in school is doing school wrong

lmao

yeah same in high school I completely tuned everyone out for hours at a time to draw so uhh LMAO

you do get the shared experience thing, and sometimes projects? but that's still work

...I realize that sounds like I was saying "I don't want to interact with people because I get bullied" but no I literally mean: if someone doesn't like you, an authority figure shoving you two together and saying "now be friends!" is going to end badly

and god the other thing about all this is like... the things I was saying and that we were circling around in the session... I can't help looking back and replaying everything like god, I explained myself terribly, I said all the wrong things, I emphasized things I shouldn't have emphasize and left out things that would have been actually helpful

so I'm beating myself up over how I presented myself.

it sounds like taking a lot of notes on what happened and discussing it with your current counselor is a good approach

it felt like I represented myself poorly in court

mintSMASH: yeah I'm trying desperately to do that right now. doesn't help that my brain likes to shut that shit down fast and start burying the memory. it's already hard to remember all the things that were said. the conversation was soooo far from linear.

even if you did, she's frankly working in bad faith purely from her attitude of "people on the spectrum can't possibly function in a Grown Up Job"

YEAH it was really hard to hear some of the things she was saying about that

like it's impossible to be a therapist if you have ASD. she straight up said you just can't. therapy relies on understanding people and autistic folks just can't.

and it seemed like the fact that I super excelled in some areas of school while struggling with the others also ruled out ASD

g r o s s

that's right there with "you can't have ADHD if you were a good student"

because I was successful in some areas and was able to graduate with like... magna cum laude ruled it out

even though I was waaay behind in math and english but was able to work super hard to get them up to Bs

sagesaria: YES it was that exactly

I'm sure that's why she was like "honestly I don't see ADHD either"

like I'm over here feeling like this woman should be reported. she clearly shouldn't be a counselor if she has a narrow, incorrect, and insulting view on how ASD and ADHD work

I wasn't even there and I feel gaslit

hfdkjg yeah

that's how it felt at least. even though she was really kind and empathetic. it reall...

oop. I think my tension headache is becoming a migraine. Ima go lay down for a bit before my two hour long meetinnnnnnng

BOY I'd really hoping I'd have done a counseling session before this meeting gfhdkjg

*really been hoping

she doesn't seem empathetic from here lmao

hang on I have a meme for this, just gotta find it

ah it wasn't as relevant as I thought I remembered it being. but the idea of being empathetic and ableist reminded me of this:

Lmao... even if it doesn’t completely apply here, i am saving this one

it sounds like she was genuinely trying to help you, but her views suck LMAO

^this, yeah

which unfortunately, in this case, renders her help pretty fuckin useless

a person who tells me to pray about it and genuinely believes that is the solution to my problem is still being kind and helpful, it's just not, yknow, an actionable solution for me

Yeah... she at least said the even if I did have asd she would still be recommending this therapy for my symptoms

She seemed pretty confident it would be “life changing”

(if you want I can help you take some notes when I'm home!)

yeah! i might be totally burned out after my meeting but

if i have any brain left i would love that

it sounds like this lady would have said that I don't have adhd because I graduated with a 3.8 GPA and hold down a full time job

she sounds nice but I also have found it increasingly distressing that she commented on your counselor's diagnosis as well

because she knows your counselor even less than she knows you.

yeah I question the whole trying you to get a different counselor. It sounds suspiciously like she wants you to find someone who will support her diagnosis, rather than the one you already had. Confirmation biasing in a sense

as a certain sondheim musical says: 'nice' is different than 'good.'

This ^

yeah no

she sounds like the aspec denial version of my mom

who's like "all these nb people just want attention and the Internet makes them think they're a different gender"

tons of people in the psych field are notoriously regularly confidently wrong

I could never stand up for myself to my GP either, even though I knew in the aftermath she was full of shit

a confident, friendly authority figure is really difficult to stand up to

anyway I knew she was a piece of shit the moment she said that about your therapist

"crazy people can't be therapists" eat my ass

I'm also trying to figure out how to say this but like, having to stand up for yourself for two hours is really traumatizing.

yeah, plus super exhausting

stick: you're so right. It's basically mental combat

especially with neurodivergence; this conversation sounded incredibly invalidating and it makes sense that its got you scrambled.

I've been scrombled by my gp before and I got to the point I'd make a notes file to try and stand up for myself and I'd still buckle

so like. please don't blame yourself

And at the end of the day, regardless of whether or not her diagnosis has any merit, her suggestions don't sit well with you, the treatment seems weird, and the vibe was hella stressful.

We'll keep looking until we find someone who says things that validate your life experience, and suggest next steps that vibe with what you want to do with your life.

I just hope I can... find them... finding this one person who would do an assessment was already kind of a miracle

Yeah finding more people who will assess adults will be a pain in the ass, but we'll get there. I think opportunities will expand as awareness continues to grow in the public consciousness.

we already found two more people than I thought existed, so

I'mma fight this lady, i swear

that's all that's my soap box

genuinely fucked up that you have that much trouble

do they think autistic kids die the moment they reach 18

MaleaBotor: I know they think if you weren't diagnosed by 18, you don't exist

fuckin puzzle piece parents hoarding the narrative

/hisses