we are out of the apartment and at kayla's for a few days. my body is nonfunctional and I cried more yesterday than I have in quite a long time and then I was in bed until about 8:30pm today

I am dreading the move-in process too but it is what it is

god I'm so full of anxiety about literally every possible thing I could be worried about x_x ugh

I just want this to be over

also discovered that the ashnikko album release was pushed back to august bc their record label spontaneously dissolved. the suffering is neverending

a bunch of food my mom left with me got left out in the chaos and had to be tossed. no one's fault but I am upset, I hate wasting food and I know feeding people is my mom's love language

for weeks I have been talking to my therapist about how much I've been dreading this move bc of how traumatic my last two were and we have been trying so hard to acknowledge those feelings but also that it would probably be different this time and...it hasn't. it really, really hasn't

this has sucked just as badly as those did and I am just bracing myself for more shit to go wrong

like something important having been damaged in transit or the cats freaking out in my car or furniture pieces going missing so we can't properly unpack

I need to call my dad but I'm putting it off until we're in the new place because I just know I'm going to get emotional again as soon as I update him on the situation and I don't fucking have the time or energy to cry anymore until this is over

we are in the new place. the previous tenants definitely didn't hire professional cleaners except carpet people bc so much of the place is grimy in a way that we did not catch during our very harried move-in inspection

and since we didn't see it during inspection, it's our problem now

so. I am cleaning the shared bathroom bc we both need to shower tonight on account of being disgusting from moving

I am so tired and I wish I could rest but lol it's not actually over

hang in there love, i'm sorry that you're having to deal with so much

it's not the same but i understand this feeling a little bc when my parents bought their new house i told them to get inspectors before & they told me how stupid it was and then it turned out there was mold on the windows n holes in the walls and shit...

like the person who owned it was deliberately making it unlivable so it wouldn't sell (except the people buying were idiots) and it's sooo gross so i'm so sorry

don't push yourself too hard to start though, just try to take it one piece at a time.

very belatedly thank you bunny, i'm sorry it took a few days to get back to this but i have just been [10 hours of static noises bass boosted unskippable]

i have been sleeping so much and the executive dysfunction has been so bad and i feel ill in some way about 70% of the time which ??? idk, maybe my body readjusting to not living on a mountain

and i tweaked my ankle some days ago and it still pinches when i walk so i am not sure what to do about that with. checks notes. no health insurance

anyway i actually came back here to complain that i had moving-related nightmares literally all night and my brain state has not recovered and it's making it incredibly hard to do anything

i am trying to make progress on Putting Clothes Away so i can stop just living out of my suitcase but hgoooghoghg

i was informed of The Fire Situation and my dumb ass has been sleeping with my window open for a few nights bc it gets so hot upstairs in this house so, that explains my physical agues

also, now that the situation is as resolved as it can be: had to take roommate's cat to the emergency vet, which took. checks notes. a little over 4 hours to even get to him in the queue, on account of them being incredibly busy when we got there, and then another hour and a half-ish of getting there and doing the triage and intake stuff

i think he is dehydrated from A Series Of Factors over the course of the move and hopefully it is nothing more serious than that but they're gonna run tests and make sure

so that has been...the night

i am very tired but also wildly restless/anxious so ? sleep whomst? i'll try to get a nap in before therapy but whew

i feel insane thinking this but . i want to go back to work soon. i am so antsy about having no income the past couple of weeks and i have felt so overwhelmed by how much unpacking and cleaning needs to be done that it's kneecapped my ability to actually tackle most of it

i feel like if i were being productive elsewhere and getting out of this chaotic hell environment for a bit that i would have momentum and feel more capable of doing shit ?

paid all my overdue tolls (i hope) from my mostly-accidental trips through the express lanes while moving sighs

I Am Tired Of Spending Money

first day in my new department is wednesday. wahoo

working wed thur sat next week

we started working on the kitchen but discovered that the dishwasher backs water up into the sink and leaks into that adjacent cupboard so lol had to talk to the landlord about that

he's already coming tomorrow to look at the shower bc it has a drip and the faucet stopper for the shower only half-works and boy that is SO much wasted water

so . life continues to be a nightmare, i wish we'd had time to do a more thorough inspection, etc etc

needless to say we could not finish the kitchen since all our dishes are covered in Moving Dust and we need to, like, wash them before we put them away

but i cleaned and filled the pantry with most of our food that i could get to so there is room to exist in the kitchen and put some groceries now

i'm so...tired.............

i think i am gonna go to an urgent care center tmw to get my foot/ankle looked at. it has been two weeks and it is still fucked up from the move and i am going to be doing a physical job and also living in a physical body where i need my fucking feet to work.

i don't have high hopes for it solving anything or doing much except spend a bunch of my money but i don't really have any other realistic options rn and i need to do something bc nothing i have tried on my own has helped

i am pretty bitter bc i feel like this probably would not have happened if i hadn't had to do so much of the actual physical moving of getting shit out of a 4th floor apartment and now i am consumed with catastrophizing anxiety about my foot being permanently fucked up or something but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i hope you're able to get a solution to your foot issue ankle injuries are so miserable

thank you, me too esp since i am gonna be starting an overnight stocking position so it's gonna be even MORE physical than my last department

and my first shift for that is wednesday night so this is. unideal to say the least

the world starts comin and it don't stop comin even when it really fucking needs to

TRULY

i wish i could just wait until i get my health insurance situation sorted but i can't

no, if it's been two weeks you really ought to go, but it's like. great ill go into my vault of gold coins and put some into a bag with a $ symbol on it

take that to the urgent care

LMFAO HONESTLY 😭😭😭

like. blessedly my dad said he would help with the costs but i'm just so worried it's gonna be more expensive or require more treatment than he can help me with

bc, as you said, ankle injuries are nightmarish

I did not manage to haul my ass to urgent care today bc I was having an impossible time staying asleep and every time I woke up I felt too sick to drive so im gonna go when they open tmw morning and hope that I have time to nap before therapy afterwards

I'm at urgent care. dabs weakly. the nurse and the x-ray tech have both already seen me which is much faster than I'm used to, I'm just waiting on the doctor now

oh man, good luck cee

I hope it went ok :<

i believe the consensus was, no breaks or sprains, but probably overuse/overextended

i rec'd her some orthopedic shoes to help ease the strain !

thanks for the update Kayla... beams healing at cee

god bless kayla for having brainpower where i do not sorry friends

but yeah. according to the x-rays there is no fracture so i probably did a fucky-wucky to one of the muscles or ligaments during the move, which can sometimes take a long time to clear up

the doc said the radiologist would look at the x-rays too and they'd call within 24hrs if their assessment was different but i feel like if something was broken i'd be in a LOT more pain so i am inclined to believe the doctor

recommended treatment was:
- wear supportive shoes as much as possible, even in the house
- consistent dose of anti-inflammatories every 8 hours
- schedule a follow-up with an orthopedic if symptoms show no sign of improvement, or worsen, over the next week or so

i finished my last appointment with my therapist about 45min ago so i'm all messed up about that rn but yeah that's the foot situation glad nothing seems to be broken but...man... hearing that it could take up to a month or longer to stop was not encouraging LMFAO

anyway. therapy session done, i got some groceries i'd been meaning to get after urgent care which is the main reason i forgot to update here sooner, and now i am feeding myself before i hopefully get some pre-work sleep,

ugh that sucks but I'm glad it's not worse. hope you can get some rest!

ffffuckkkkkkk yeah rest up

I'm so sorry about the therapy situation. wraps you

ty angels honestly it wasn't as bad as i was expecting...i didn't know that they offered monthly check-ups as part of their care plan after a client finishes a run of therapy so she asked if i would like to do that and i was like god yes please

so she is gonna email me in a month to see where i'm at... i am gonna try to send her a thank you card or something too bc she has been very kind and while i am not sure her methods were the most effective for me when unaccompanied by medication, it was nice just to have a safe space to talk and have my emotions acknowledged

now...i nap........ first shift at the new store at 11pm

oh that's super nice, I'm glad

ganbatte new store

bro this is so peaceful

the store is open until midnight so there'll be a bit at the beginning of my shifts where I may need to deal with customers but after midnight we are just vibing

oh that's lovely

goodbye, humans

we are allowed to listen to whatever we want on our phones as long as we keep one earbud out for safety reasons so I'm very excited to get to the point where I can be left alone to do my thing and consume some media

after the store closes, that is

it's just fitting shit on shelves and making it look nice. I love that. I love organizing and shoving things places to make them fit

ah, wonderful!

the landscaper woke me up mowing right outside my open window 2 hours ago and I have not been able to fall back asleep

expires

oof... I'm really sorry to hear about your ankle cee, but I'm so glad that it both wasn't bad as you were worried about and that you've got some follow-up care lined up!

and hell yes for peaceful no customer hours

enjoy product tetris

thank u

hhhggoghoh... I was supposed to stream something with friends before work tonight but when my alarm went off I felt like garbage bc the landscaper woke me up mowing right outside my open window and then I couldn't get back to sleep for 2 hours bc the heat was bothering me so bad

and then Moving Stuff noise my roommate was doing woke me up later and I similarly struggled getting back to sleep

and now I must get ready for work and my tummy is upset 😔

tummy please don't join the party

I feel okay now thankfully. which is good bc I was getting hungry af

realized that all my lunch now is dark lunch

man. it is crazy how wired i feel after work

i know the novelty will wear off but it feels very good to be awake when my body wants to be awake and actually be able to do a socially acceptable productive thing to make money???

i think it's gonna be a bit tougher in winter when i will be seeing approximately no sunlight as a result of this schedule but for now it's great LMFAO

eternal dark lunch...

CW: bugs but every day of my life I am in hell

me: why do I feel like I'm going to die
also me: worked 3 different aisles, including cleaning which is full of heavy stuff and which I did mostly by myself, then scraped and sprayed ant-infested dead foliage out of my car, then unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, then handwashed a bunch of dishes, while on my period
me:
me: it is a mystery

hey ants???????

im just. oh my god, ants

this was not a good choice of houses

ANTS!!!

HORRIFYING

life is an unending nightmare

honestly i have no idea why they posted up in there. there is no food in my car for them

i was only seeing them around the cupholder bc i had Obligatory Coffee Residue from spills i hadn't 100% cleaned up but there are just no morsels anywhere else so idk what those dumbasses were thinking

I have been trying to sleep for two and a half hours so I'm not dead for my shift but my room is so hot and my body feels so terrible and now I have also worked my brain up into feeling terrible on account of Hormones™️ making feelings of perceived rejection a billion times worse than my RSD-prone feelings already are

laying in the basement on an air mattress feeling bad and wishing I was asleep or perhaps non-sentient particles of space dust instead

i finally managed to get some sleep but i had to skip a stream to do it sighs

in better news tho i finally started relistening to taz balance during my shift. i'd been putting it off bc i was worried it would make me feel weird on account of my complicated balance RP feelings but no actually i'm having a great time

ofc i am only at gerblins so maybe when i get to the emotional arcs it'll be different but FOR NOW IT'S GREAT

my team lead also said that i'm probably ready for my own aisle ??? i don't feel like i am but i really appreciate the vote of confidence LOL

also she asked me about the clown thing bc she actually read my People page (our workplace bio thing)

so i got to tell her about my clown stuff. she was delighted

i have also been putting off relistening to balance for the same reason but. now i rly want to

clasps ur hands supportively

give it a try!! if it isn't fun u can always set it back down and try again later

I JUST MIGHT... i did give the GNs a reread the other week while i was cleaning my room and i'd forgotten how much i loved the boys

i consumed Imbalance as it came out so i did have a good interlude of fondness in the interim but it's v nice to return to the classic... i still need to read the GNs, i actually have a few but i put them on a shelf somewhere and then they fell through the depression cracks in my brain LMFAO

oh I've been thinking about relistening too, something's in the air

balance renaissance...

nature is healing

I slept for so long and it was cool all night so I feel so rested but now I'm like I have d&d and work tonight I hope I can manage to nap before then

i felt like absolute ass for the first half of my shift but i felt a little better after i ate... i need to be a bit more diligent about proper meals before work

anyway at like quarter til 4am we had a cornhole tournament?? we all just stopped working and played cornhole??? and apparently random lawn games are just a thing the overnight shift does sometimes to break up the inherent monotony of overnight stocking??????

it was the most surreal work experience i've ever had and i once tried to cram myself into the incredibly small gaps intended for trash cans behind the floral counter

between cornhole and just listening to podcasts while i work i truly feel like i'm in the twilight zone of retail

i think i may have made my first Work Friend also...she is a girl around my age as far as i can tell and we were chatting in the break room for a bit after my shift, she has been very friendly and helpful since i started

my payslip finally posted too so i discovered that my regular rate is still $16/hr but overnight gets a differential of $1.50/hr which essentially means that i am now getting paid $17.50/hr. which is nice. i do not know if that's gonna be enough to regularly go down to 4 days a week unless i start my shifts earlier

but i might ask about doing that on certain days of the week? we shall see, i just think i'm gonna go insane with only two days off a week at totally random times every single week LOL

I'm Worried About Money but that's just adulthood ain't it

anyway i am fighting the terrible compulsion to finally start cleaning my closet so i can actually use it. that is a thing i need and want to do but i'm trying to work on not falling into compulsive Arbitrarily Productive Task spirals bc it runs me very ragged and stocking is way too physical a job for me to be doing that to myself

cee i have a question for you

what in the HELL is cornhole

oh my god. well good luck explaining cornhole first of all

second of all i know you're exhausted but it sounds like you're genuinely doing an amazing job and i'm so happy the atmosphere sounds pretty relaxed and chill

im proud of you for recognizing productive task spiral hell. please eat food. ilu

JDFKLSFJKLG

thank you annegel i have felt pretty wretched and very . unperson-like since the move tbh but, as i anticipated, getting out of the house regularly is helping a lot even if i am struggling a little to get a routine going

i am doing my rubestcee...

anyway claire cornhole is a name that i hate, first of all

second of all it's played with this stuff, basically some kind of angled board with a hole in it

and you stand some distance away and throw those beanbags. you get points for landing on the board and MORE points for getting the beanbag in the hole

i'm not very good at it on account of my childhood neighborhood game being kickball

it's a pretty popular barbeque/Outdoor Family Party Activity on account of being very simple and very cheap to set up

its literally just throwing beanbags but for some reason we as a society chose to give it the most godforsaken name imaginable

I KNOW

honestly most of the other names aren't better

Cornhole (also known regionally as sack toss, cornball or bags) like these all suck. sack toss is more descriptive but it's also horrible

SACK TOSS?????

ISN'T IT ABHORRENT

just call it beanbag toss you maniacs

ROOTING FOR YOU CEE... I hope you can find a way to go down to four days a week

bc having two random days off sounds. not fun and exhausting

i love just "bags"

it sounds like an insult

bags to you

yeah i'm like damn if i'm gonna work 5 days a week anyway i'd want to be full time LOL

BAGS TO YOU!!! and bags to the downsides of part-time retail scheduling

also i got to murder on the rockport limited and remembered how much i love angus mcdonald so i'm legally obligated to repost this balance rp banger.

i did so much art for balance rp. honestly how in god's name did i do that

ugh angus loved her SO much

poor tired bbs

I THINK ABOUT THEM CONSTANTLY

tfw u accidentally become bigsis

did a whole aisle by myself tonight lads and wow am I tired

it was a smaller aisle and I was like . 10min late clocking out but I would have been on time if I hadn't been learning/struggling to help make a bale for 20min LMFAO

nobody told me this job would involve tying KNOTS

anyway I definitely made a Work Friend™️. she's usually in the cereal aisle and tonight she came over to my aisle specifically to show me that someone (not an employee) had put googly eyes on one of the cereal boxes

also, we got free lasagna for dark lunch tonight? u love to see it

I enjoyed having an aisle to myself for the most part. big responsibility but also I basically just vibed the whole time

free lasagna!

free lasagna

I feel like ass tonight bc I didn't get enough sleep and my throat hurts hoping I'm not getting sick

thankfully it's slow as fuck and I've basically already put out all my live and back stock, I just need to condition after lunch

god I am not gonna be able to occupy the rest of my shift with conditioning... I'm gonna have to find something else to do afterwards

hate that for me, I just want to go home and have some tea and rest

fell asleep without finishing my tea and wowie I feel a lot worse

waiting on an at-home COVID test to finish cooking results bc hgoogoogog

first test came back negative... I'm having some tea and gonna take some sinus meds while I drink this then go back to sleep and test again later before work bc I really feel horrendous

do you have allergies? i tend to get a lot of cold symptoms when mine flare up

I do but typically I don't get such a persistent sore throat like this unless I've caught something

when it's just allergies I do get dryness and stuff but not so much pain...

god my teeth hurt so bad and I thought it was bc I have been sleeping all day without my night guard but I think it's actually bc I have a sinus infection and it's storming like crazy so literally my entire face hurts so bad

I took some painkillers bc I realized the sinus meds I took earlier didn't have any in them but hgjjhgjjg

I super duper have a sinus infection... hello darkness my old friend

I'm gonna take another COVID test later just to make sure but. I know this misery well, this is sinus infection city

still COVID negative... I still feel pretty abysmal but I'm gonna try to tough it out at work tonight

if I feel disastrous they can just send me home lol

survived my shift...narrowly managed to avoid having to help someone else with their aisle by conditioning basically every part of the store i could think of that was under the candy purview LMFAO

normally i am totally happy to help others out but i just wanted to be ill in peace tonight ☠

oof being awake as long as I was after work today was a MISTAKE

very groggy when my alarm went off just now...

might have to sneak in a nap before we take my roommate's car to the dealership after my shift

car naps are so cursed yet sometimes so necessary...

GOD

thankfully we're not at that point, I wouldn't need to nap IN my car

which is for the best bc it's smoky as fuck over here and also we have ant colonies in our yard that are alternately obsessed with our trash can and my car. that ain't a good nap zone

we just have to go around 7 and I got off work just now...not long enough for sleep but maybe for nap

I will see how I feel when I get home

did not end up napping. my eyes are screaming but I think that has more to do with the smoke agitating all my already irritated head holes than with being tired

think i strained some rib cartilage coughing sighs LMFAO

noooooo

i can't catch a break LOL

this has happened to me before and way worse though so it'll be fine, i just need to make sure i regularly take painkillers for it for a few days

fingers crossed

my roommate is a genius and suggested i put an ice pack on it and i happen to have an ice pack set that comes with a cover and wrap so i have done this too

and i took me meds

in better news tho i have secured a day off and tickets to see fall out boy in concert with some friendos so i am excited for that

ah nice!

v excited...

I have hit the end of my rope on energy for now hngnngng

gonna lay down and nap before d20 watch time so I leave this plurk with my current taz balance thought, which is: I don't know why I always forget that crystal kingdom exists when it is so unbelievably vital to setting up literally the entire rest of the story

in my brain it just goes straight from petals to the metal to eleventh hour??? why LOL

SCREAMIFN CRYING SHITTING PISSING

MY BABY MY GIRL SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

SHE'S SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

her hair is so FLUFFY

speaking of: maybe we will finally have the answer to whether that little lock of hair that comes off her bow is a tiny ponytail or not (this is hotly debated in the DDLC fandom)

OH MY GODDDDDDD

CRYING AND THROWING UP

IM FEELING A VERY NORMAL AMOUNT ABOUT IT

she and honoka can finally hold hands on my shelf

SCREAMS

THATS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD