so i'm having a Bad Time(tm) with Jack's cancer diagnosis. i got it at the end of february and the vet and oncologist both agreed that realistically he would probably only make it through march

annnnd here we are at the end of march, and he's definitely clearly suffering more but he's still active, still hungry, still using the litterbox. he's hanging around the other animals and he's constantly lying in my lap or on my chest or in my arms

he's on painkillers and that's basically all i can do for him. but he hates them and runs from me when he sees me coming with it, which sucks. bc if he runs he ends up freaking out and throwing up and i can't keep going out and buying more wet food over and over again

he's constantly prowling for food, esp now that he isn't on his thyroid medication. and he's drooling everywhere. his breath stinks and its just so much man. im just super duper struggling with like. dealing with the whole death thing (which newsflash: i got lots of trauma surrounding death!) and just... idk

i told my irl friends about it, and other than the initial "sorry to hear that " replies they haven't dropped a line to ask me how i am or anything. and i just feel super alone in reality, even though all my online friends have been super helpful and sympathetic

it feeds into this whole "i'm not worth people's time outside of being a convenient location/moneybag" and it... sucks

so anyway: that's why i hiatused for march. i thought jack was going to be gone by now truthfully. i'm thinking 2 more weeks realistically, if that. selfishly i don't want him passing on my birthday. i don't think i could handle that

and why i've been so slow with tags despite really enjoying all my threads right now. it really sucks but i can hardly handle focusing on anything beyond watching buffy and petting jack and crying about the fragility of life

i realized i hadn't really said anything to anyone outside of a brief mention on discord, and it feels appropriate to do it here on plurk since this is where most of my friends actually are (other than in disco lmfao)

what i need more than anything in this world rn is a fucking vacation. i need 3+ days where i think of nothing but myself and my interests and where i'm not caring for a sick cat or having to deal with 4 non-sick pets constantly

anyway that's all i really had to say. i'm just not having a good time and as much as i'd like to sink into rp as an escape, i can't do it as efficiently as i used to. so i haven't been tagging out beyond very close cr/necessary plot stuff, and it's probably gonna stay like that for at least april

That massively sucks. Especially the timing of everything. Take time with your kitkat rp will still be here.

I’m so sorry. It’s devastating watching a beloved pet fade away. But it sound to me like he knows you are sad and wants to spend time with you. He will tell you when he is ready. Until then, love to you both

the timing is one of the worst parts. the worst worst part is having that impending dread of knowing i never get to see him again after he goes, which is like. woof as it turns out that's where a lot of my family trauma comes from so this is Activating As Hell lmao

and thank you <3 yes he's aware i'm sad, he's also aware that he feels badly and that i usually fix him. so i feel like im failing him whenever he starts pawing at his mouth which hasn't been a lot lately, thankfully. but more now than before

I’m sorry you’re going through this. If I could come with blankets and cuddling, I would

awwww jack lots of cuddles are deserved for both of you, i am sorry you are having to go through this. be kind to yourself and also take time to enjoy the time you still have with him <3 and give him some love from me

kingdonkey: <3 thanks man i appreciate it. its a pretty sucky situation!!
lycanthropy101: absolutely will do <3 i hate it but he does at least seem to be very comfortable and happy so i know he's going out on a high note

God this is the worst experience, and I'm so sorry you're going through it. We went through something similar a couple years ago, and trying to determine when it's time is just.... so fucking hard

God, I'm so sorry. It's awful seeing a pet in pain and knowing you can't really do anything. Sending much love and sympathy your way

ah geez that's always so hard to go through ;3; take care of yourself too!

weeyotch: yeah exactly. rn he's way too active and lively for me to even think about it, but once he stops eating (once his jaw is too misaligned to eat, anyway), i'll make arrangements for him. it really fuckin sucks tho. he's been with me for 13 years and he's one of the few people in my life who "met" my parents (LMFAO dumb but there it is)

so it's very final and like. my life will officially have a pre-jack, jack-time, and post-jack change

historein: divinesaber: thank you guys <3 i appreciate it a lot