Plurk feels like a better place to holler about this bc I don’t want all my bitching to be Out In The Open where people have to see it I guess but

I’m not doing well y’all

This month is the last month I have to do my best in my internship so the absolute asshole of a techbro who’s been putting me through the wringer can evaluate me and decide whether or not I get to have a job (after completely fucking me over during the latter half of my internship)

And last weekend my physical health took a complete nosedive (vertigo’s back full-force, babey! I gotta use a cane just to get around the house!) and my mental health has followed suit

And idk it’s hard to just keep trying in this because I still don’t feel like I’m understanding anything I’m trying to do, nothings sticking in my brain and it feels like no matter what I do it’s not gonna be enough and I’m gonna be out on my ass because of the whims of some jackass who knows the code base LESS THAN I DO

Here’s a fact: before all this shit went down, I had done more work by volume than the other intern (by her own admission). The other intern got a job offer. I got a “whoops looks like the feedback we’ve been giving you this whole time was a lie actually so we’re gonna extend your internship”

Idk man I just wanna sink into the ground at this point. My body is giving out on me and so is my mind and I just want something to go right for once but that is, as per the rest of my life, waaaaaay too much to ask

i'm so sorry.

buh thank