there's so much going on, and no one who has done this to me is invalid (also, no one here has done this)

but all I wanna do is be a baby and cry about how this sucks.. and instead I'm comforting my partner because he's not doing well without me checking on him and comforting friends who are scared about what the Roe decision means, and educating people who are suddenly panicking about this because they weren't paying attention before

talked to my step dad today and me trying to update him on my condition turned into reassuring him that, yes, mom knew he loved her and yes, she loved him too

Josh and I fought last night... which we almost never do. but he went to an event for his sport this weekend. there was no cell signal (a common issue, since these are usually held at camping areas) and he got lost

called me while I was feverish trying to get help, rather than calling ANYONE else... then dramatically said he'd sleep on the side of the road.... until I hunted down folks to help him

then he slept in his car on metal things rather than getting a hotel room or crashing in someone's tent or setting up his own.... and came home sore, tired, and depressed

he didn't take his meds all weekend, didn't eat properly, and he passed out for most of the day once he was back.

when I tried to say I felt like I was having to take care of him while sick, it all exploded. a huge mix of both of our grief and exhaustion and physical misery

and I get it. but god dammit. can I be the one handling things badly for a bit and let someone else pick up the pieces? surely COVID should be a fair excuse for a break

ugh, that is so frustrating jen, i am so sorry

i hope this can at least be a good vent space for you where you don't feel like you have to do that

it is... and that's all I need, really

it's not like I don't want to help people

I'm just exhausted

sometimes the helper needs help and a lot of people don't think to check in on them

not maliciously, but it still makes for a bad environment at times

even the ones who have....I have a dear friend who has been checking in.... but she's trans and overwhelmed and keeps going down panic spirals about what roe means for further persecution of lgbtq folx.

and...yes. legit. scary. bad.

i don't even have energy to be scared about my own reproductive rights atm. i don't have the energy to walk around the

block

just.... gimme a few days, folx. please. a couple days

i do not doubt that I am loved and supported and can find help if I need it. but I wanna take a week off from being responsible or useful to anyone. just... be the kid no one trusts to handle the issue.

i feel that so hard ;; it's really hard to bluntly say that to the people who are relying on you too. but i hope you can find a way to enforce the boundaries you need to get thru what you're dealin with

thank you for listening

ofc angel, anytime <3