I need to set a day with my counselor sometime this week, because there's a hell of a lot to process. But, for now, it's done.

wish I could give you a hug rn ;;

Long day, and I'm exhausted. But it was good

My step-dad and my aunt and uncle gave the pastor remembrances to read. I read mine. I ran it by redpyre and my brother before the funeral, but I needed to say it. I was mildly afraid I wouldn't cry, so I was glad that I did while I was reading...but I didn't fully break down. Got through it pretty well.

My poor dad. He was there for the full wake and funeral. He stayed back and out of the way so he wouldn't intrude on my step-dad, and he was there for me and also for anyone who knew mom from that stretch of their lives

And he carried that all stoically...but I know his heart was broken and none of the remembrances this weekend even acknowledged the 11 years they had married, or the years they had together because of me long after.

He would be the first to say that it was a far better and healthier thing that he and mom didn't stay together, but he was not the one to ask for the divorce and I don't think he ever stopped loving her. Loyal to a fault. He took every single drunk phone call.

oh man...

I hadnt thought of that

I'm glad the anticipation of today is over at least

Yeah. It....was rough

But not bad