This whole period of caretaking for mom and then grieving, I've been the epitome of "Yeah, this all really sucks, but how are YOU doing?" Like, to everyone.

Which is both funny and infuriating for Josh, because he's like "You are aware that you're insane, right? That you seriously don't have to think about others right now?" And I'm going "I'm 100% aware. I might be pathological."

But yeah...even though I talk about my emotions constantly (to the point of ad nauseum, right now, when I'm feeling a lot of them), I don't like staying centered on them long enough to actually FEEL them.

Sure, I'll tell you I'm struggling with depression and that things are a bit numb, but otherwise alright. I'll say my moods have been all over, and my brain is a bit fuzzy, but I'm not really upset with myself for making mistakes as much as acknowledging that grief is why it's happening.

But once I'm done describing it, I wanna change the topic to you, the weather, your cousin's brother's niece's dog....anything but dwell on them long enough that I crack and start actively grieving

TIL that I am the inevitable creation of the union of my parents. All of my mom's super passionate emotions....and my father's insane need to pretend that he had none (something he's weirdly successful at while having as many or more emotions than my mother).

okay...untrue. No one is more emotional than my mother.

She always felt things SO intensely. For better or worse.