The smell leaks through the windows and permiates the floors and the walls. At first it only effects the lobby and a few unfortunate souls on the first floor. But over time it creeps up, one floor at a time. You hardly notice a change as it rises, destroying the lives of your neighbors. You didn't realize how lucky you were in your penthouse suite.

But everyone's luck runs out eventually. One morning, the smell has finally made its way to your home. It permiates your walls, your rugs, your furniture, it lingers on your clothes. At best, the scent you now are forced to wear daily only effects the people around you on a subconscious level. Your friends and colleagues ask if you want to get McDonald's.

You do not want to get McDonald's. You will never again for the rest of your life be able to stomach McDonald's. At worst, the smell overwhelms those around you. Your boss looks down his nose at you with condescension when he gets a whiff of your greasy aroma. Strangers assume you are a well dressed McDonald's employee, not a successful stock broker.

Your life is in shambles. You can't even enjoy driving your Alfa Romeo down the freeway at sunrise, because the smell has settled into the leather. It's over. You have no choice, you have to leave this place. Not just the condo--you have to start a new life. You need to go somewhere new, somewhere McDonald's doesn't exist. Never will exist.

The year is 1990. It wasn't easy to forge the paperwork you needed to move to the Soviet Union, nor to adjust to your new life there. But it was a refreshing change of pace after everything you had been through. It was worth it to escape that which shall not be named. These January mornings are cold, but you've gotten used to that.

you're makin me want nugs

Your cat woke you up earlier than usual this morning, yowling for good and attention. In your past life, you wouldn't have given in and spent time with him. You never would have ever gotten a cat. But your time here has changed you, you've moved on and accepted a simpler way of life. You decide to take a different route to the factory this morning.

You never would have changed your route before, either. Your legs used to ache when you walked the mile and a half to your job, but now they're used to it. As you walk through Pushkinskaya square, you notice a large crowd of people and wonder passively what they've gathered for. A cold wind cuts through you as you draw nearer to the group.

You fall to your knees, mouth agape.

No, it can't be!

GOD DAMN IT

I laughed so hard reading this out loud to Jessica that we both cried. 😂😂😂😂😂

I really love that this modern condo complex was transported back to the 1990s

Look sometimes you gotta time travel to escape

blakeroo: were you on her plurk when she used to write stories about the people she saw in starbucks? those were quality existential conundrums.

blakeroo: also you kind of made my morning by even reading this and then you enjoyed it! Wow.

blauren: I unfortunately missed this era!!!

It's for the best it was like a series of small mental breakdowns about my inability to relate to other humans.

hellabear: I always tune in. You (both) are hilarious! I 100% will be reading this to my husband later. And maybe my sister and her kids. It's so fucking funny.

Karen has seen how we live and still finds us charming. She's never getting away

Who would want to!!!