like there's a lot of mess and a lot of stress and the hours are terrible

but i also get so much perspective from it

and when i'm focused on solving like the ten problems that any of my patients have and i'm trying to untangle what's making them sick, that's where my focus and my energy goes and i let go of other things

like several weeks ago i was really bothered by some personal stuff and online stuff that in retrospect wasn't that important

but then i got really busy in clinic and i forgot about it until just now

i've been delivering babies at butt o'clock in the morning for two weeks now and it's wonderful

it's exhausting and amazing

i'm literally covered in blood and amniotic fluid and sometimes poop basically every day but i'm just the most satisfying kind of tired and i feel really fulfilled

it's hard to be mad about petty things when you're holding a brand new baby in your arms

a baby that you helped deliver through the anatomical monstrosity that is a laboring woman's vagina

i feel really lucky to be here

and gratitude is a good medicine for bad vibes

i'm trying to internally bottle this feeling for when i have to take next month off for my level 2 licensing exams and reminding myself that i get a whole nother year of being in the hospital and in clinic after i get past that

anyway that's where yall's maddie is at

i hope everyone is staying safe and doing well