So, kiddo did something I had just earlier that day told her not to (she has a weird tendency to lean over and bite a spot on my pants while in the bathroom) and I asked her why she did it anyway if she understood that she wasn't supposed to.

And we insisted that we wouldn't let her avoid having to answer that in her own words. Which resulted in an extended period while she was sitting there squirming and having clear distress at being interrogated like that.

Mostly I was feeling sorry for her, but there was some part of me that thought something like "Ha! Got her."

So then I'm thinking, am I a terrible parent for feeling kind of triumphant about that? But I think the correct answer is that if I'm asking myself that question, the answer is no.

if you asked me, getting her to use her words so problem behavior can be sourced and resolved is a good thing

it's not like you're demanding to know why she failed a test or something

yeah, that's my feeling and we have sometimes given her options for what we think might be happening, if we have guesses

but we can't always guess, and getting her to use her words when we don't is good

Not to mention that she says yes to our suggestion for what we think is going on like 99% of the time. We're not that good at guessing.