In the past if my mum asks if I miss her I've always had to lie.

I haven't seen my sister since February but I don't miss her.

And I found an interesting post on reddit which I think ties it in with how I can just pick up a friendship no matter now long it's been since I spoke to them last.

'I'm terrible at maintaining relationships because I didn't understand why it has to depend on ongoing reminders of each other's existence. Once a person has been accepted by my brain, it's pretty much for life.'

Even people who have passed away... if I miss them it's only a really fleeting acknowledgement that I can't actually reach out to them at all anymore.

But I think that a lot of the time it comes across like I don't care? I do, I just don't feel the need to constantly insert myself into someone else's life.

Or have their physical presence around me.

I've even got used to a lack of general physical contact now.

Do you text them or talk to them in any manner?

or do you just mean you do not miss their physical presence?

Yzaksama: yeah, but I can also go days or weeks or even months without doing so and not really notice.

I do it more for them than for me.

i think the missing dead people really depends on whether/how much you were around each other and whether you enjoyed the experience? I miss my grandparents terribly but I lived with them all my life and alone with them in one flat since I was 12

Interesting. I mean I guess people are just different. I am missing people intensely all the time but only specific people I really really love and love being around.

I'm more like I can really enjoy being around someone when I'm with them but I don't really miss them once it's over.

Like. My mum drives off and I already miss her. I haven't talked to my aunt and uncle in months but I don't miss them at all? I have this vague "ah it'd be nice to see them again someday" but it's super fine it's not now

That's good too! I mean as long as you do enjoy being around them that's great!

I don't think I even know what missing someone really feels like.

hmm, I never really ever got homesick on things like camps so I can't say I know what it feels like to miss family (but idk how different that'll be if parents die someday)

I don't really miss my friends as such because I know I always have an avenue to chat with them via facebook but meeting up in person was a great way to vent grievances to each other and enjoy some nice food

but honestly I am usually not the one initiating conversation and there's a childhood friend I haven't spoken to in months I think so I'm /shrug/

honestly, I think I'm the same way? I have one friend in particular, online, where we can go weeks, months, even this last stretch literal years, between talking with each other last... but then we simply pick right back up where we left off with nerding out with one another and sharing things we're loving, reccing music, etc...

the one death that's affected me most has been my dog. that puppyish little girl had been glued to my side, so her sudden lack was an incredible blow. it's been three years, almost four now, and I'm still finding myself getting teary-eyed if I think about her much/remember that feeling of her being physically with me, for hugs and cuddling and such.

... oh yeah I deffo still miss my dog.

it's a change, and not one for the better. I've probably shed far more tears for her than for my own grandparents... but I was never inseparable from my grandparents. most of them lived a fair ways away, and I only saw them once in a great while.

it's not necessarily that I loved my puppy more than my grandparents. or my aunt or uncles who're now gone. it's that I spent a ton more time with her on a constant basis, I think....

like constantly wearing a watch. when you have it off and forget it on your bed when you head out for just a little while, you feel naked in a way. or maybe it's not a watch. maybe it's a piece of jewelry? or something.

so for me... "missing" someone tends to correlate with how accustomed I am to their presence, regarding immediacy, history, and location.

it's a routines thing. if I chatted with someone for an hour a day, every day, at the same time, and always enjoyed it... if that suddenly stopped, I'd probably feel like crap about it.

the constant time spending is a big part I think.