It's not about wishing ill on the other people. It's just... It'll be so much easier for the both of you, if the other would just die. And no one would need to get hurt emotionally.

What does it say that I wish... I was the one who would just die?

Not that I actually want to die.

I just think...Life would be easier for the people around me... If I were no longer living.

And I know this isn't right

I'm supposed to be working on my self-confidence and self-worth

Heck, I now wake up every morning reminding myself that I am worthy. Of something. Not everything. Just something. And that is enough.

But I am the villain in my own story.

And I still continue to bring myself down.

Like, seeing myself in the mirror today; all I can think was, "right. No one's gonna love you."

And I know that that's wrong

Adults did us dirty when we were kids.

Making us think that we should have everything down pat by now.

I'm more of a mess now than I was when I graduated college

At least then I had the advantage of being green about life

I'm 35.

And I'm not getting any younger

But I am becoming more stupid

And more insecure

And more afraid

That I really don't have anything to offer anymore

And that my belief ever since I was a kid, that we only die when we've done what we were supposed to do in this universe? Is just a foolish dream. And that many of us, especially me, is just litter for other people to pick up and throw in the trash bin.

Sorry to whomever is reading this

I just had to get all of these out