We thought, and hoped that we had more time together after the stem cell transplant he underwent in September of 2018. I don't know if said transplant helped give us more time, or cost us more time. I will never know, and eventually, I will learn to be at peace regarding that. (cont.)

Yesterday was the one month anniversary of his passing. It feels like it has been longer for some strange reason. May flew by, and yet, my existence feels as thought it is crawling at a snail's pace. Some days I still feel numb; as if his passing hasn't sunk in yet. As if I might still wake up from this nightmare and he'll be holding me. (cont.)

Some days I cry at random, unexpected moments. Other days, merely mentioning his name, or sharing a memory about him will have me bawling. My heart is so broken and I miss him with every breath I take. For almost 18 years he was my partner in every decision, every plan made, every vision of the future, every step forward. Now, without him, (cont.)

I am terrified of what the future looks like. I take each day one at a time. I try to stay busy, focused on the next thing that needs to be done, so that I can keep my shit together and not fall into a pit of despair that I'll never crawl out of. Family and friends help me to do that. Without them, without you, I would not (cont.)

be able to keep going the way I have been this past month. chanceraynier has been my rock, and has selflessly taken on the role of being messenger, for me and for all of you. I am so grateful, especially knowing that Chance's heart is broken from loss too. My inlaws have been nothing but kind and supportive, (cont.)

even going so far as to welcome me into their home for as long as I need, so that I don't have to be alone. If I were alone right now, it would be so very easy for me to drown in this indescribable grief. Fortunately I have them, my Mom in WI, chanceraynier and my dog Katy to help keep my head above water. (cont.)

Aldo's passing has changed my life in ways I never expected to be experiencing at the age of 38. He was the best thing to ever happen to me, and now I must face starting my life over. It will not be easy. I've already had to re-home all but two of our furbabies, with the help of family. My dog Katy and (cont.)

hubby's cat Boots, are the only two I am able to keep. His service dog, Recon, has been adopted by my brother in law, whom will be retiring from the Navy in 8 months. He's going to continue with Recon's training so that Recon can be his service dog now, and he is going to honor Aldo's wishes to have Recon trained for (cont.)

search and rescue, as Aldo had always planned to do prior to getting his cancer diagnosis. I get regular photo updates from them, which always remind me that its still okay to smile at a time like this. Major and Elvis (dogs) have been adopted by Aldo's ex-wife's aunt. They are now happy farm dogs content with (cont.)

herding chickens and riding on the tractor. I get occasional photos of them too. For a blind dog, Elvis sure does enjoy the farm life. The rest of my precious cats have been taken in at the SPCA and Humane Society where they will be found good homes, even thought giving them up still makes my heart hurt. (cont.)

I wanted to keep all of my furbabies, but, I had to right by them. I cannot afford to keep the house that we bought before finding out Aldo was so sick. I'll have to move to a rental closer to my inlaws, and won't be able to take all of the babies with me. (cont.)

I could have waited to part with them until I absolutely had to, but my family and I decided sooner was better than later. In a week's time, I lost my husband, most of our furbabies, and knew I'd be losing the house. I feel it was better for me to pull all of that grief into one writhing mass of misery to mourn it (cont.)

all at the same time. It is going to take a long time to process all of this fully. I will never get over it, but in time, my ability to cope with it will improve.

(cont.)

This has proven to be the most long winded thank you note ever, am I right? LOL. Thank you to all of you whom have reached out in some way. I am still so shattered by Aldo's death. But I have to keep existing. Which means, I am not going to deny myself the things that still bring me joy. Just because I am mourning, (cont.)

does not mean that I stop existing. Aldo would not want me to spend my days staring at the walls, alone with my painful thoughts. You will likely start to see me loitering about in SL again. If you see me online, don't be a stranger. Its okay to hop into my IM box. I am still Jaxynn; still happy to hear from my friends and (cont.)

loved ones. You are not a burden, not imposing, not being a pest. I might not always be my usual happy-go-lucky self, as I have my good days and my bad days. But I am always open to receiving the rays of sunshine that a simple hello can bring. Thank you again for being wonderful friends. Love, Jaxynn

It's so good to see you here <3 I had also thought it had been longer, since Chance broke the heartbreaking news, but I suppose for me I was factoring in time you were gone, before. I'm so sorry you needed to say goodbye to so many furbabies too, and have gone through so much upheaval. I can't even imagine how hard.

But it's so good to see you

chandnikhondji:

Nivaya: Thank you. Its good to be here with the people I care about. And of course that includes you, birthday girl!

My heart breaks for you. but, I'm glad to see you, have seen you and have you close. We will be here for all the days, good, bad and ugly. Our family dinners and adventures will hopefully bring some joy in those tough days and even the bright ones. Love you big! always here if you need an ear, shoulder or anything else.

I love you so much ladyyyy I even show you my virtual no no bits <3 nothing changed here obviously. My heart hurts for you but we welcome you just as strongly in our fam. We got you girl always.

GiaDarcy: Fortunately for us, we have the love of family to serve as glue, to piece our broken hearts back together. I love you very much too, and am looking forward to all of our family adventures!

ariaaa: I love YOU so much! I loved you to pieces before you showed me your virtual lady garden, but even more so after the show and tell, cuz now I have the lady garden too! We could do funny pictures like that guy with the "Things My Dick Does" blog. Only with our pixel bits. That would def. be NSFW though.

RoslinPetion: Thank you. I'm glad to have supportive energy from family and community too. And am happy that thanks to family, I'll have an opportunity to get to know you better too!

Jaxynn: LOLOL oh btw I got the creator to make me a no facial animations vag (just in case you wanted that version too)

I'm so sorry. Love you

I’m so sorry for your loss, love. Always here for you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult things are for you right now...sending you some love and hugs.

I'm so sorry Jaxynn Sending you all the love

I can't really say much right now as I can't even swallow I'm in tears. I can only say what I will always be, yours, in any way you need. I love you, always will. You and Aldo will always have my heart.

I'm so sorry, Jaxy.
Sending you ALL my love. And a million and sixty-two hugs. I'm here if you need anything, okay?

I am so sorry and speechless... sending you a hug

also just showed this to Mama Chance and she says she loves you and is here for you always.

I don’t have enough words....or the right words. So I will just do this and hope you feel it instead...