not quite ready to return to rp yet but i feel bad about constantly ghosting when shit goes down, so i wanted to mention that i'm mostly okay right now!

finally got reapproved for SSDI/SSI (disability stuff) but apparently their system glitched up for my SSI stuff so i have to impatiently wait for them to "rebuild my case with what [i] gave them" so they can figure out how much SSI to give me.

i've been getting SSDI payments since... april? but no retroactive/backpay yet until the SSI stuff is settled. UGH, NEED MONEY NOW.

at least i have almost $1k in the bank right now. TTwTT

and aki's yearly check-up/vaccines was last month so that's one major expense out of the way for now. i would've asked dad to pay for it and i'd pay him back, but fortunately i was reapproved at a good time.

my lawyer's office said they'd call again and ask how the rebuilding is going along on tuesday, after they called last tuesday. just hoping they don't drag their asses some more.

aki's been okay other than feeling oppressed by stray cats, lmao. i'm a cat person and knowing that kitties are outside in the elements and not in warm loving homes breaks my heart, tbh.

our neighbor (the one who lives on the other side of aki's yard) got a cat in maybe the last 6 months? idk. but aki gets butthurt when that damn FEEEEEEEEEEELINE sits in their window.

aki gets butthurt about seeing people walking their own dog(s) across the street, not even on our side of the street, so of course she'd get butthurt about this ICKY CAT that's BASICALLY IN HER YARD.

pretty sure neighbor cat gives no shits because they'll just lay there and stare at aki, knowing that she's too damn short to be an actual threat.

uuhhhhh, fuck, i usually plan rambly plurks out so i don't have these quiet moments but i skipped that this time, fml, my mind's blanking.

my college brother is doing good in school, but he's taking the summer off to work and relax without worrying about homework/studying. he probably doesn't wanna live in a dorm again, he says he'd rather drive there and back, but he's gotta get his license first.

my other brother is doing well in his inpatient rehab program and is going to a halfway house-type place soon, i can't remember if it's this week or next week, lol @ my memory.

he dropped out of high school because of his addiction so he's been studying for GED stuff. he just has the math portion to complete and then he's done. he's also getting a "weekend pass" at some point, you know, to stay with family for a weekend to get used to freedom again in small amounts.

came home yesterday from visiting my grandparents for almost a week and ehhhhhh... it was mostly okay except for my drama queen former rich bitch cousin being a toxic shitstain, like always.

i tend to just ignore her even when she's being pa toward me, but i hate it when she screams/throws tantrums at my grandparents. not even gonna say "our" because she constantly complains what a shitty family we are to her. sometimes it feels like she sees my grandparents more as "the help" than "the grandparents who took me in when mom got sick of my shit."

whiny brat's one of those fucks who will find literally any reason to complain, acts like she's abused because grandma tells her to clean her room or take the garbage out, that kind of shit. she makes it very obvious that she looks down on me/my mom/etc because we're low income, but hey, at least my personality isn't complete and utter trash.

my grandma, the only breadwinner who works as a home infusion nurse (she ain't fragile), might be gone nearly all day and she'll sob about how nobody was home to feed her so she had to make herself a pathetic sandwich. when there's plenty of shit in the kitchen to eat, like mini frozen pizzas, dinner leftovers, whatever. and plenty of snacks.

she was bitching at grandma for "forcing" her to go to a counseling appt SHE AGREED TO GO TO and kept throwing a tantrum, and used her usual "i'm 17, i can do anything i want, i could move out if i want to!", my frustrated-ass grandma said "then do it!" and when my brat cousin went into full tantrum mode, i started calling her ass out on her toxic behavior.

i try not to be nasty, but you know what? sometimes assholes need a verbal punch in the face when they keep walking all over people who don't deserve their bullshit.

her "i'm a victim!" behavior disgusts me and i made sure to remind her brat ass that she's gonna have a hard time finding a place to live when she's refused to get a job, can't even make it to school on time a lot of the time, and can't even do her damn chores even when grandma pays her in advance!

idk a single person she doesn't treat like garbage and i can't imagine any of her friends wanting to put up with her freeloading ass making messes, not cleaning up after herself, and constantly starting (verbal) fights with everybody. and neither of her parents want to deal with her ass, her mom ditched her for a reason and her dad's been gone for years.

uuuuugh, sorry for the cousin rant, i just hate her and can't wait until she's gone. i don't even need to talk to her but she'll mutter under her breath about how i'm an ugly cunt or trailer trash or whatever. even when i'm "neutral" to her and just say shit like hey/hi/good morning.

my grandma's patience is seriously running thin and she even admits (to me) that she's not going to put up with my cousin's behavior for that much longer after she graduates and turns 18. she doesn't have the heart to throw her brat ass onto the street when she's 17 and has yet to even start her senior year of high school.

some of her lies are laughably bad though. like she said she cleaned the house 5 times this week, like doing the dishes and vacuuming! (her words) when i saw absolutely nothing of the sort since i was there from friday to wednesday (yesterday). asked grandma about it, she vacuumed ONE ROOM and emptied then put dishes in the dishwasher. HOLY SHIT, Y'ALL!

like neglecting to clear the dishwasher for days so people could put dirty dishes in there, finally doing it, and then filling up the whole dishwasher again with dishes that were just sitting around, is some kind of godly accomplishment. IT'S YOUR CHORE, HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

she can't even keep her room clean but acts like i'm filthy and disgusting because i live in a trailer, lmao. at least i don't leave moldy dishes of half-eaten food in my room or throw my dirty clothes all over the floor, but okay, i'm the gross one.

she's so delicate that she can't handle somebody farting in the same room as her. i'm serious, is2g. she acts like she's choking on toxic fumes and cries about how it's D I S G U S T I N G, as if everybody should run outside/to the bathroom to fart in shame. she couldn't even handle picking up her own dog's poop/cleaning up his accidents when he was a puppy.

i have no idea how she even functions, tbh, i'm a goddamn shut-in with social anxiety, regular anxiety, etc. but i still manage to clean after myself/other people and animals, treat people with respect, and not constantly stomp around like a grumpy elephant or slam doors. but i like to talk to the dogs like they're humans, so i'm a freak, i guess. /shrugs???

anyway.

i've got enough money saved for a new laptop, since mine is used every day and is crapping out, lol, just need to browse newegg for something that looks good. maybe a refurbished one this time, my dad's been fanboying about lenovo.

the mousepad on this thing is going haywire and it's so annoying! the cursor might veer off into a random direction, it might double click or not click at all when i mean to click, or click/double click when i don't mean to click. so i deal with plenty of accidentally closing stuff.

can't even use my usb mouse because the usb ports are crapping out on me too. i've got 3, the single one on the side is pretty much dead, and the 2 on the other side are so close together that certain usb drives disconnect if i dare to plug something in next to it. and i don't trust this thing so i put my stuff on a flash drive and use portable programs.

dad let me use his spare SSD when my second hard drive failed not long after the warranty expired, so maybe i'll just wipe the drive and tell him he can use the whole laptop for parts or something, idk.

I'M DIVORCING YOU, LAPTOP WAIFU!!!

i mean, i'm not too picky with laptop prefs. at least 4 gb ram, at least 3 usb ports, decent battery life, idk maybe 10 gb of space or so since i'm already a flash drive hoarder, preferably black but i don't care as long as it's not some hideous rose gold garbage, uh... i think that might be it.

had a chromebook before, but then i missed playing windows games. tried installing linux once to maybe use a windows emulator, somehow put in the wrong password while installing and couldn't get in so i had to reformat. every attempt to linuxize it didn't work. so i eventually gave it to a relative and got this toshiba satellite.

due to the #DeleteFacebook #DeleteTwitter #DeleteWindows #DeleteGoogle etc. stuff, i'm kind of Done with windows. i've used ubuntu a little before so i'm not entirely in the dark about how it works, although it's definitely more efficient than microsoft's crap.

and since discord can be used in my browser and pretty much all of my programs are either available on linux or have a good linux-friendly alternative, i've got nothing tying me to microsoft anymore. deleted my skype/bing account that i hardly used after discord got popular and skype never improved. and a bunch of other online accounts too.

fortunately i started using a password manager in the last few years so i'm not all ??? about what sites i have accounts at. childhood accounts? the emails i used were deleted so i'm sol and can't delete those, but oh well. hope facebook, twitter, etc. burn, lol, diaspora and mastodon 4 lyfe.

i'd also like to move out at some point. i'm just sick of my dad smoking, even though it's bad for BOTH OF US, and his hoarder behavior. our trailer's not in the best quality after we've lived here for 10+ years anyway. kind of miss being on my own with aki anyway, although i wouldn't mind my college brother living with me, i guess.

he's pretty quiet and usually keeps to himself in his room when he's not at school/work, boy loves his games and youtube shit.

i'm so impatient about my moving-out-lust (as opposed to wanderlust) that i've been planning, planning, planning. made a list of stuff i'd need for living on my own, from multiple first apartment/home lists online... made a list of things i'd like to buy BEFORE moving out, so i don't feel like i'm using up rent/bills funds...

i need to head to a thrift store for cheapo clothes soon, mine are starting to fall apart after i haven't shopped for clothes in... over a year, not sure how long. plus i'd need stuff for my new place, maybe not big furniture right away, but kitchenware, floor mats, maybe certain electronics like a microwave if there's anything good there, containers, uh...

fortunately grandma has some room in her basement for any of my stuff that i don't want reeking of cigarettes.

and assuming that my new place has a fridge, stove, etc. hooked up, all i really need for furniture is a bed until we can look for free/cheap shit on craigslist, in garage sales, whatever. i'll make sure to get diatomaceous earth for any blood-sucking hitchhikers. [insert knife emoji here because i'm too lazy to go c&p it.]

if i move into a place that doesn't have hookups for a washer or dryer, i'm okay with hand-washing and hang-drying them in the bathroom or something. or maybe getting one of those portable washers that campers/homesteaders use. it's not like i'd go through a ton of laundry when it's just me and aki, and possibly college brother.

hmmm, trying to think of other shit without looking up my lists...

don't really need an actual tv unless my brother moves in and he wants to play some vidya. i'm still livin' the pirate life. definitely need wi-fi, but since i'm on disability now, i might qualify for comcast's low income internet program, i forgot the name of it. i know at&t has one called "access by at&t" or w/e but comcast serves more areas.

not too worried about the phone bill because it's cheap (republic wireless), i think $20/month for me for unlimited calls/texts and 1 gb of data and $15 for the same minus data for my brother. or it might be $25 and $20, don't remember.

not too worried about my brother pulling a brat cousin on me either because he's been pretty responsible. pays his debts, doesn't steal, does his own laundry, cleans his own room, cleans up his messes, yadda yadda yadda.

i have a hard time trusting strangers and i have no local friends so he's probably the best choice i've got for a roommate, hahah. although he doesn't know i'm trans yet.

after i move out and get settled in my new place, i'm coming out and anybody who doesn't accept me for who i am can fuck off into the sun and gtfo my life.