"Okay, I'm unconscious. It took six hits of the platinum toilet seat."

"After all of this, someone needs to invest in a sleep spell."

"Shrubby, go jump in his face and wake him up. So the bush is...on his face ......I just realized how that sounds and I am so so sorry.

"Parker is Scrooge McDucking after seeing how much diamond ya'll actually stole."

"I have a terrible habit of making my players ridiculously rich."
"It's a wonderful habit!"

"Bucky is my friend, not a ride."

reads out the Dagger of Venom description while I'm bidding for it in an auction
I'm gonna murder ALL THE THINGS

"Things I've had to do this session: Learn diamonds, run an auction."

"Proportions it could fit any of you-"
"We have a halfing and a dragonborn. What is it? Sisterhood of the Traveling Chainmail?"

"You know what? Why am I rolling these dice? I have other people to roll."

"I only have 8 intelligence, I am dinner than the sentient shrub."

"It has the head of a deer, but the teeth of a predator and a large wingspan."
"The fuck is that even?!"

"You could always drink the seagull's blood."