i really need to spruce this plurk up... i've been so separated feeling from the computer and net as a whole.

but i've been missing and thinking about you a lot.

idk, if i should tag you into this plurk since i don't want to demand your attention, but i know keeping up with plurks can be hard... i'll find a way to ask you more specifically what you prefer later if you don't see it.

i'll try to go back through some plurks you've made by this weekend. i'm trying to catch up with so much right now...

and gosh, i stayed up for the first time in a long, long time for 32 hours yesterday and so. but i was nonstop. i got a lot done.

but it pushed back some other things at the same time, if that makes sense?

my mom wants to cook thanksgiving dinner, even though it'll just be us two. i don't mind. it makes me somewhat happy, and she almost never wants to do holidays. she's been wanting to this year, so if it'll help her feel happier, i want to do them.

i'm kind of overwhelmed by the amount of food, because we bought a lot of groceries, too, so our fridge is going to be packed with produce and left overs. a packed fridge isn't very common for us.

i've been eating badly because of feeling badly and my health and skin is taking an extra toll, so i kind of went nuts buying a lot of veggies. i hope i can push myself to eat mostly healthy again, or at least balance my eating habits.

it's strange. i am typing here and trying to catch up on like week old tags... i know i am typing and can see the letters, but it feels so disjointed and connected from myself and what i'm doing. i know i sound crazy. i know what i'm doing, but don't feel like i am doing it, or that i'm actually here.

if this is a scary thing, forgive me. i feel like i need to share it, so that if i am making extreme typos or not making sense, you'll know that i'm in a strange plain ( ? i don't know. ) reaching through a film of something to talk and type.

plane, rather.

oh, i was talking about thanksgiving. i am not much of a cook. i want to practice and get better. there's all kinds of things to try. the thought makes me happy.

but i am still struggling with my energy. standing at the stove for a long time makes me feel sleepy. having to preheat, lol, makes me feel sleepy. i know this is silly.

my therapist wants to try and help me find a case worker. we have to see if i'm eligble.

eligible.

that will be nice. if it can happen. things will probably start to fall more easily into place, like all the professionals i'll need to seek to start feeling better.

it's hard to feel you deserve to feel better when you feel like you deserve nothing, and i want to cry a lot because i feel like to say, "i want to be healthy" means i think too highly of myself and i'm being selfish.

but i want to be healthy, so i can have energy, so i can be a better friend, a better daughter, a better pet mama. so, i can be dependable, and stop letting people down.

i want to be someone i can be proud of, i guess, but even that feels... like i'm being selfish.

i only meant to just say hello, my thoughts go off tracks. sorry.

cooking. i was thinking about cooking, and deviated, because i want to be a better cook.

my mom will probably do most of it, but she asked me to cook brussell sprouts, which i love, and she says are her favorite veggies.

it made me really happy, because i can cook brussell sprouts pretty well. but they're simple. maybe that's silly. anyone can cook brussell sprouts. they're easier than eggs, which are very easy.

i'm gonna bake a cake, too. i'm not proficient in baking or cooking at all, so it won't be cool, like from scratch. just a box.

but the idea of baking at all, idk. i keep saying "it makes me happy" but these small things do make me happy.

even from a box, there's a different feeling taking a cake out of an oven versus buying one from the store.

there's a gap in these teplies, i'm sorry, because my mother and brother started a screaming match.

i wanted to come back to ask if you're planning or have done anything for thanksgiving? i'm sure it

's not a day of celebration in japan, but do you plan to celebrate or put any thoughts toward it regardless?

i'm thinking of you and i love you a whole lot.

MELIIIIIIII i’m sorry i wasn’t checking plurk yesterday bc i had the day off and strangely enough that always makes me lazier about checking social media

first of all happy thanksgiving to you my dear!

now that i am at work i can chat more

i do try to be very thorough with going through my plurk list but if there's ever anything you especially want me to see, tagging it is a good idea. i won't ever feel like you're too demanding!

staying up for 32 hours is intense! i'm glad you were able to get a lot done but yeah that can really take it out of you

i hope your thanksgiving dinner went/is going well! i definitely need to eat more veggies myself. i recommend soup as a way to use up a lot of veggies! i need to practice making more soup too

i'm not scared by your dissociation? if that's what it is with feeling disconnected from yourself re: typing. i don't have much advice to give on why you're feeling that way, but it doesn't put me off or anything. neither do typos, for that matter.

i really hope you can get a case worker to help you sort things out! i've also been really exhausted lately and in low spirits myself. i know it can be hard to believe sometimes but not only is wanting to be healthy NOT a selfish thing, it's something you deserve.

i hope your brussell sprouts came out well! when i've had them they've always been a little too bitter for me, so i'm curious how you cook them. and cake! box cakes are yummy and totally cool

the 23rd of november is a holiday in japan and it just so happened to fall on thanksgiving this year! thank you for asking about my plans ;3; it makes me really happy because one thing that was making me feel sad lately was feeling like some friends (not you, but some here in japan) didn't seem to be taking much interest in how i was doing? idk

anyway, i had the day off yesterday so i chatted with my family in the morning. i had a dentist appointment and got a good cleaning for my teeth and some advice on which electric toothbrush to buy (i need a new one).

also the appointment was a lot cheaper than i had expected so that was a nice surprise

i got some groceries and watched a lot of mst3k and made nabe for dinner. nabe is a hot pot so i basically boiled a lot of veggies and tofu and ate that

it was yummy but i think the soy milk i used as part of the soup was old so i had a bit of a stomachache later ><

but i did ALL of my dishes