guardyanangel heatherberry retconnd paracosm

eyyyy porn

I... write a lot of this

morgana is in a sex game shh

what in particular is awkward? just the phrasing?

you can focus more on the emotional side if the physicality bothers you

honestly just embrace the absurd

or my way of getting around the direct physical shenanigans was, when talking about the peen, just describing in very vague terms

a la "stroking teasingly"

friend we are so different

though I do still sometimes call it THE PEEN and cackle

I actually find writing f/f a lot harder cos no one will do it

because A LOT OF RPERS ARE AFRAID OF VAGINAS

again, a la my previous plurk, i was afeard and uncomfy with my sexuality until literally maybe a few months ago

tbf sex is awkward and absurd

do you call it THE PEEN in tags tho important question

...you know I must've at some point

and it's okay that we're different, I just find it amusing

< the pervert, evidently

tbh I used to write my best friends smut tags for her cos she didn't like too

and it was required

lmao

...it wasn't a sex game it just had weird rules

idk what was the early 2000's

a mystery

dude people started putting Sekret Passwords in rules again revently and istg I timetraveled back to 2003

recently

ALSO

as fond as I am of smut, fade to black is a perfectly valid technique

as well

if you just don't feel like sorting it out or whatever

you can still have them remember what (other persons) hands felt like or

how good it was (OR BAD I'M NOT YOUR EDITOR)

or blush when (person) rests their hand on (spot) because (thing you imagine happened in ftb scene)

etc

omg the sekret passwords

another good idea is to go back and read fic/books/scenes or even watch scenes that gave you the feeling you're going for, though text is obviously more helpful

yessss 90% of my smutty shenanigans i've gotten from gay historical romance books

also be greatful you don't have to deal with teleporting hands/positions inherent in "person didn't reply in a month and has since forgotten where the characters were touching each otthers hoo has"

honestly me all the time

even in non-smut

I reread threads when moving about tbbh

omg related if not useful but drea

morgana is trying to band a lady werewolf and she

me too!

ooh

doesn't know where to put her hands

save me from camelot era morgana omg

BOYS ARE EASIER THEY COME WITH A CONTROL STICK SHE GETS IT

A CONTROL STICK

THIS BEAT IS SICK, I WANNA TAKE A RIDE ON YOUR DISCO STICK~

honestly i too need to figure out how to honkytonkbadonkydonk for ladies

first, you trim your nails

then, you do not ride on their disco stick, mostly

morgana cracks me up though she almost walked into a naked lady, then walked away, and then the lady came with her and flirted with her and she's basically

'this is my life now'

v. good

I feel like you'd sympathise with her

honestly, yes

i too would walk away and then probably accidentaly flirted

she Platonically laid on the floor next to the naked lady.... and did her best to not stare at her boobs

it was a valiant effort

do you suppose BBCPhile ever regrets summoning us all...

i feel like by now she anticipates the chaos

heather ur l8

SCREECH WITH US

how is josh anyway morgana hasn't boned him anywhere inapproprate for a long time

meanwhile I’m just over here like “AFTER OVER A DECADE OF ROLEPLAYING AND FIC-WRITING I CAN FINALLY WRITE ‘COCK’ WITHOUT TURNING BEET RED AND FLAILING 8D”

HEATHER LITERALLY ME IN MY LAST PLURK

I guess i'm the sinner here

it took me writing josh lyman to get here so if I ever meet aaron sorkin I’ll probably burst into flames a la a sinner walking into church

omg you are all amazing! sorry for the delay; I was voting!

this is helpful! thanks for the tips!

the tips

AYYYY

justthetip

BYE

part of the problem is that this is for a very metafictional prompt fill and it's more an excerpt than a scene

lolol

whoops

and yeah drea I just saw and ran in there too lmaooo

high five!!

but yeah, the challenge here is that I need to find a way to distinguish dicks from each other to set up the punchline of a joke

and so I've been reading all the sex scenes in my favorite fic to see how people describe them, and they mostly don't, except in generic ways

spoiler for guardyanangel: they are raring Worthington Chronicles fanfic

lol

reading

a dick pun you say?

joke whatever

I'm mean to be in bed shh

ok, so, here's more of the context: this is for the modern AU when Archie's an actor and stared in a Hornblower-like period piece called the Worthington Chronicles. in this fic, the trailer was just released, and Archie and Will are being adorable nerds and giggling over fic together

horatio comes home and does not quite understand what the deal is with fic. so Archie reads a few excerpts

i mean if you're reading terrible fic, "member" is always the way to go

*pink mast

lol

throbbing

just say 'throbbing' a lot

that's all I remember from 90s fanfic

OH AND 'BRUISED'

it's not terrible, exactly. it's more that Horatio is stuck on the lack of verisimilitude

(as in: "but. . . . that's not what yours looks like")

overly large PEENS

lmaoooooo

the peen is also great

yes

and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to describe a dick in such a way that Horatio can say that line without making it sound like I'm insulting Archie's dick

uhhhhhhh

maybe the fic writer likes tiny peen

or discribes it in an ugly way

I know penises aren't exactly graceful works of art to most but

what about weirdly specific freckles? that the fic writer thinks happened somehow

birthmarks?

weird bends

FRECKLES

true story, somehow know one of my guy friend has freckles... I can't say that word around him he loses it

TATTOOS?

THERE ARE FULL PENIS TATTOOS

...I was a curious teenager shut up

I am no less curious at 26

why are there full penis tattoos honestly

hah!

some of them look like dragons

I'll spare you all the links though

Thanks everyone! heading to work so signing off for a bit!

have fun!!

I solved it!!!! thanks everyone!!

the gays