I have a hard time getting motivated.

I've probably ranted about this before. But every time I hear something....

It's unpleasant.

I want to be able to workout normally, and you know, be healthy.

But when you're not sure why you're feeling a certain way, like a weight is on top of you, and you don't get up...is that bad?

I feel like my mom doesn't understand mental health issues.

Then again she voted for Trump. Says a lot I know.

She thinks I'm being lazy. And I just want to stay home all the time.

But it's not like that at all.

I wanna workout, I want to get healthy. But I don't want to do it if you want me to do it so you can be like, look at how pretty my daughter is.

This should not be about you. It should be about me being healthy. And even if I was physically healthy, mentally healthy could kill me.

I get anxiety attacks out of the blue.

I get too scared to even walk out the door of my house.

I think too much about things and worry too much.

I don't know if this is a mental problem or I'm just being stupid.

I don't know. I really don't know.

Am I a high functioning depressed person?

Or am I just faking my symptoms?

I don't know anymore. And quite frankly, it's not like anyone immediately close to me cares.